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My Complicated Marriage .

I am married and misereable everyday of my life . I really really dislike my marriage . we are not meant to be together and evryday i regret getting married . we fight all the time . we cant seem to make sensible decisions together and its a night mare . the kids are getting older and becoming aware of the situation . i cant make the decision to end it because i dont think i cna do it on my own . i have to make that decision i know that , because it is a very very unhealthy lifestyle .
lotsofneeds lotsofneeds 31-35 7 Responses Jul 25, 2010

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I think it boils down to "only we can make ourselves happy". Happiness does not come from another person or some ob<x>ject. Counseling can give us new insight into areas where we don't have experience or knowledge, but be wary of months of counseling. It was through two couseling sessions that I came to realize that my wife is a narcissist to the n-th degree. She cares only about herself and her "needs". I and our kids have all had to experience her personality for too many years. So... the kids and I have our own life, while she still has the technical title of "mom" or "wife". We (the kids and I) chat, play board games, watch TV, I cook and so forth. It's like we are living without a physical wife or mother. For me, the dad and husband, there is no affection, no intimacy/sex, nothing. The kids have me and that's about it. So... we live our lives as if we were an actual single parent family. If I left, her income would go and that would put the kids college in jeopardy. To look at it another way, her just above average income helps pay the bills and will help pay for my kids college. That is where I find my happiness.

Hi to everyone out there who is confused about what to do with their marriage. It seems worse once you have children as when you become a mom, your whole world changes so that you devote all of your time to your children. You get taken for granted by your spouse and end up resenting him. Some times a new person comes into your life unexpectingly and makes you feel like a real person again. It's all rather crazy and there are no good answers. You continue to look on the internet for answers as to whether you should stay or go, but there continue to be no good answers. I guess we all just need courage to do something, stay or go, but something. Being in limbo is the worst and makes a lot of stress in one's life. So if you feel like you are going crazy, it's your mind's way of telling you to make some sort of decision. It is hard to make yourself happy and how do you really do that anyway? Counseling can help, but we all really have the answers inside ourselves. We can learn from others and what worked for them, but each person is different. Take one day at a time so that you can concentrate on that time. In time there will be an answer and sometimes it is very slow in coming. Hang in there though as life is worth living, and we all will be happy eventually.

hello guys , thank you for the comments , i joined last nite and i am trying to figure how to navigate the site .

To "faith4truth", "justloveme", and others: "faith4truth" has a good idea - communicating - talking - emailing, whatever, to help us figure this out. We should set some type of ground rules like nothing personal like names or ages or cities and so forth. No derogatory comments or telling people that they are stupid - life is tough and only we know our situation. So... what makes us tick? Why did we get married and what has changed? Did we have unrealistic expectations? Did we inadvertantly lie and only put our best foot foward and not let our partner see our "other side" -- or did they do that to us?

I'm going through THE SAME thing.Email me,maybe we can talk back and forth and help eachother figure this out?

Hello JustLoveMe - There are many of us out here and we are just like you. I empathize with you because I have faced the same dilemna. This is what I have done.... I have started to live my life while still staying in this unhealthy situation. I have started doing those things that Iike, that define me, that keep me sane and give me a happier life. I have vegetable garden in which I can spend hours each week. I joined a gym or whatever it's called. I started learning another language. ...and I look forward to the kids being on their own and either I'll get divorced or maybe pass on to heaven. Start doing those things that you enjoy; start slow else you'll end up arguing about that too. Then after starting slow, increase the frequency or add another activity to keep you going.<br />
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Don't take this wrong... I'll say a prayer for you tonight. I will pray that God shows you the path to take.

I hope you find the solution that works best for you. I know it's hard to live in a situation that feels like it has no future.<br />
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My best to you.