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Marriage (a Must Read)

(I'm not married and never have been....But I would like to share something with this group and I hope it helps somebody)
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MARRIAGE (unknown author)

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

I thought I would share this story with this group because maybe it will be a "eye opener" for some. The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the huose, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness, but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

DeenaMonroe DeenaMonroe 26-30, F 18 Responses Sep 5, 2010

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That's a beautiful story - thanks for sharing : )

Heard that but a nice reminder! Rated up :)

Thank you for sharing. Actually I just read this not even a week ago, it brougt me to tears. I forwarded it to my husband to read, & he actually read it, said it was a very touching story, & I believe it has helped us. We have begun to get a little closer than before we read it.

This is sweet...I'll admit. ....Maybe the feelngs of love and a deep connection are so far gone that I didn't feel what this was intended for....I wanted to, more than you know but they seem to be just words. After so many years of going thru the motions for the sake of the kids I no longer no if that women is still there...

That has just made me burst in to tears......sobbing

Thank you for sharing your moment, you truly know now the meaning of love and marriage, all the best to you

Thanks for sharing its a very overwhelming great story!!!! If only I can make my husband way of thinking of us as well....just like he was on our wedding day :))))

tanx is an eye opener,no one is worth coming between u n ur partner.

My husband would probably laugh at this story because he is an evil person, but it made me cry.... I wish sometimes life wasn't so hard and people understood the real meaning of what a marriage is.... Some don't and with that being said.... we must move on....<br />
<br />
Magic

This has brought tears to my eyes. I wish I had read this before my wife left almost six months ago. I still love her so much and probably didn't realize that she was unhappy with our marriage. But now it is too late and I must move on.........................somehow........

This story is something I've read before... but not while in such a troubled marriage. I now have a whole new appreciation for this and I'm printing it as I type so my husband can also read it.

Cool =)

thanks God bless u

You're welcome =)

Sad...

Beautiful

This brought tears to my eyes, however in all reality I don't think I could get my husband to do that I have just come to the point that there is just to much water under the bridge!!!!

What a powerful story! As a married middle-aged man, this story should help to remind people to look at the little things that brought us together in the first place. I think I'll go hug my wife now!

Tears...great story.

i hope i can get my husband to understand before he leaves me for his version of Jane . he wonders why i can't hate him like he even believes i should. i have even considered the feelings of this other woman and her children. and truly understand can't make him love me. but i can't help love him I've tried to hate him. but I'm still civil and respectable with him and this woman. thank you for bearing witness to the fact we can actually love unconditionally. but he still thinks i will be relentless after we divorce or during. understandably but i can't no matter how much i even want to. i can't. but i think it is great of you to go through this and learn from it and reach out to those about to make the same mistake. thank you from a woman in your wife's shoes thank you sincerely for sharing.

My advice, think back to what you guys were like when you first dated. How you touched, held hands, embraced. How you flirted, the joking, the physical contact. Put all negative thoughts about him and and your relationship out of your mind; and keep it there, even if he says or does something negative. Treat him like you're courting him for the first time, flirt with him verbally and physically. Give him compliments regardless of whether he gives you one or not. Try to touch him often, and make sure to add some naughty touching in their. Surprise him often with a playfully grab to his crotch, or a crotch message - especially when he's upset with you. Like I said before, you have to put all of the negative aside, even when it comes from him. When it comes from him, ignore it and in a way that won't make him think you're taunting him for his negative behavior, flirt with him... Even if you have to say "No matter how negative you're gonna be, or how upset, I'm gonna flirt with you. I'm gonna whisper naughty and sometimes nasty things in your ear, even when you're not in the mood for sex. I'm gonna get our relationship back to how it was when we first started dating." In fact DO tell him that, but make sure it's from the heart. And tell it to him several times over the next few weeks.

Keep doing theses things whether you see a change in him or not. It took about a month of me doing this to my wife for things to begin to change. And another couple of months before the relationship BEGAN to get how it should be. It's gonna be very tough to do. You'll have days and weeks when you wanna quit. But keep at it.

If you're having sex just once a week or less set up "sex nights" at least 3x a week. Sex doesn't just help with physical bonding, it also helps with emotional bonding.

Make sure to chat with him, to make sure your re-establishing the his emotional bonds. If it seems your doing all the talking, try to get him to talk more without being naggy. Listen to keywords when he does speak, like when he complains about something at work. And use that to get him to talk.

Workout and eat right... It'll help with any depression you've been experiencing due to the relationship. And it'll help with the relationship.

Eventually he'll turn around, just keep at it. As he starts to turn, tell him, you're trying to make things how they use to be when you first started dating. And ask him to help. And when he does turn around and the marriage is happy... Then keep working on making it better. Don't stop!

My advice to all women, don't ever nag... Instead, flirt. Flirt with him to get him to do stuff. Grab his crotch when you want him to clean something. It'll make it gunner for you and him.