Said It's Over, But He Won't Accept It

So if you've read my other stories, you know I've been tossing around staying or leaving this marriage.  I made a decision, and finally laid it out in very plain terms with my husband.  He left for Fri and Sat night, but we talked on a phone a few times - mostly him trying to convince me that this is the turn around we need to move forward (puke!)   At one point he pointed out that he owns this house too, and I said, yes that's true and I can't kick him out.  So he asked if he could come back on Sunday.  I said sure.  Maybe that's nuts.  Maybe I am too nice.  I have been clear to him and told him I don't want to give him false hope, but I think that 10 years of putting up with his crap has taught him that I will just put up with more (which only makes sense).

So he came home yesterday and went down on one knee asking for forgiveness and another shot at it.  He says that he'll do whatever it takes, he loves me and the boys so much, etc. etc.  I believe he is very sincere in his love.  I don't believe he is capable of change.  

It's my son's 5th birthday on Saturday.  Then Christmas is a month away.  I don't want to stay in this marriage, and I don't think there is anything he could do to change my mind, but what do I do??  Do I start the process of getting divorced so he understands?  Do I say I'll give him to the end of the year, even if it's only a lie?  

We are still going to counselling - one more session really.  I was originally trying to make it to that session so we could talk about it in a controlled environment with someone who might actually have a little perspective.

Ack!!  I don't want him to pester me all the time about this - which of course is what he is doing.

Any advice?  You guys are so great to talk to about this stuff.
espressluv espressluv
31-35, F
5 Responses Nov 15, 2010

I would love to know what has come of your situation as I am in a very similar one. 10 years of marriage ,children, separated and going through the steps to divorce and he still thinks it isn't really over. I am even with some one else now. His denial is freaking me out a bit and I worry that if it ever really sinks in he'kk do something crazy.

Move on!

i originally was going to tell you's in that controlled environment that i would say my final decision and then walk out and let the therapist help him through it, but when there's children so small involved it becomes very complicated. i know this is not the answer you wanted to hear. and i also know about having enough of a husband, as i have one to deal with right now too. maybe a separation might be a good tonic to let him see his world without you.

Please do yourself a BIG favour, divorce him!! Time to move on, the longer you put it off the harder it will be for you, before you know it another 10years of your life wasted.. All the best.

Time for the separation to begin. But I understand your situation. I have to just let hubby think everything is fine because I don't want the drama. When I'm financially ready and able to leave, then I will bring it up again and back it up with actually getting out of the house.