In It Too Long?
I have been married for 10 years, and have been unhappy for the past 6 years. When we first married, we were very happy. But something went wrong along the way. About 7 years ago, he started coaching a basketball team for his son (from a previous marriage); this turned into him being the commissioner. This takes away A LOT of time from me and our son. I am starting to realize how much his being away from home has affected me. I feel like a single parent. I take care of our son, do homework with him, usually I stay at home with my son when he is sick. When my husband is home, I still do what I normally do with little input from him. My son will walk by him to ask me to do something for him, because we are both so used to him not being at home.
Throughout our entire marriage I have never felt like I fit in with his family, that they don't accept or approve of me. When we go out to dinner or on vacation, I am with our youngest son; and the rest of the family is at the other end of the table or in the hotel room talking to my husband's son, so he doesn't feel "left out". I feel they shouldn't neglect the youngest grandson for the other. My husband's family feels they should "dote" on the oldest grandson, because they don't see him that much...Which is not true, he lives about 3 or 4 minutes from our home and any of us can see him anytime we want. I've expressed my feelings to my husband about how I feel we have been neglected and how his family treats me and our son like we are not really wanted. His only response is "If that's how you feel, then leave; because I can't change my family". I understand that, but I feel that he should at least let his family know that there are one-sided affections of the grandchildren. And our new neighbors have already noticed this and commented to me about it. My husband feels like there is nothing wrong.
I have wanted to spend time with my husband alone, thinking that it might bring these feelings back so I can feel "in love" again. I asked 3 years ago if he would like to go on a little weekend vacation, but he said he couldn't because of basketball and when the season was over, we would go somewhere just the two of us. I have been waiting for 3 years to go somewhere, anywhere! There is no time because of basketball or soccer season is coming. Then when we don't have any obligations, we don't have money to do that. It's too trivial! I don't think it is.
I took off my wedding band about a month and a half ago, mainly because it is getting too tight on my finger. But my husband just picked it up and set it on the dresser, saying nothing. Not offering to have it resized or anything.
I'm starting to wonder if he feels the same, that something is missing; but just isn't willing to admit it. I think he doesn't want to go through another divorce. He still tells me he loves me and tried to be affectionate, but sometimes it seems exaggerated and strained. Like it's a show.
I feel like I've been in this marriage too long now, I might as well "finish it out", die being married to the same man.
I am just so afraid that there could be someone that could make me so much happier and I'll live the rest of my life not knowing how happy I really could be...