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Considering Relocating Without My Wife

                I have been married for about a year, after dating my now wife for about 3 years before getting married.  About 3 months before getting married, my wife was laid off from her job, and was subsequently unable to find anything but menial minimum wage jobs.  It turns out that she had lied to me for the previous 3 years about graduating from college.  I have a graduate degree, and on several occasions I have offered to help her go back to school or get some sort of trade or something.  She always says that she is interested, but it seems to die out immediately or after a couple days.  Mostly, she spends her time sitting around watching TV.  She does cook dinner everyday, and makes an attempt at cleaning sometimes, but we don’t have any kids, so this is not that time consuming.  I have experienced a 50% pay reduction at my primary job, and have picked up a second job to make ends meet.  I am paying 100% of our bills.

                Our house is currently up for sale, and if I am fortunate enough to be able to sell it – I am planning to relocate to another (warmer) state.  I am very conflicted about whether I should relocate with my wife.  She is my best friend, and I enjoy hanging out with her, but I can’t help but be bothered by this adult (30 years old) sitting around the house all day watching TV while I work 2 jobs.  I am starting to resent her.  She did have an opportunity for a couple of decent jobs, but has passed on both them, because she didn’t like the hours.  In particular, the hours of these jobs conflicted with her dance schedule (she is on a dance team - they do not get paid).

                Compounding the issue is the fact that I recently turned 30, and am starting to feel like I never lived.  I moved out of my parents’ house at 18, and started working and going to college.  I keep this up for the next 8 years all the way through grad school, and we started dating my last year of grad school.  I have not been very many places or done a lot of things, because I was always working and going to school (and broke).   Initially, we were holding off on having kids, because we were supposed to be enjoying each other and travelling.  However, with her being indefinitely unemployed and my working two jobs – this is just not realistic.  I could afford to travel and do things, if I didn’t have to pay for her too.  It is not that I don’t love her, but I am starting to resent her and lose faith in her.  Additionally, I am starting not to want kids at all with her, because I am worried about how they will turn out.  I am afraid that I will just be the guy who works all the time, and they will be hanging out watching TV with her all the time.
bigbobjunk bigbobjunk 26-30 3 Responses Apr 10, 2011

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Communication is key here. If you allow this to go on and fester you will wind up leaving one day. How about some counseling? Find out if your health insurance covers it or if you can talk to a priest or minister in your area (if applicable).

She sounds like she has a hormonal imbalance.<br />
Not necessarily depressed.<br />
It can do that to a woman.<br />
Steals their energy and lives slowly.

You sure have a full plate of weighty things to consider and they sound pretty valid from my point of view. Before you bet that another lifestyle would be a better path make sure within yourself that you will not be regretful over lettling this life go. Do ya'll love each other? Tell your wife exactly what you are feeling (expressed here beautifully), ya'll discuss it, and then decide. Could be you want very different things, could be what you have is worth working on and making adjustments for.