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Growing Up Isnt Easy

So today was our 6th wedding anniversary. He got sick yesterday after work. Maybe heat exhaustion...he works in the sun...and hes fat as heck! lol no really 290 and a bit over 6 feet tall. Anyways....no card, no present and no sex for years! I get lectured by a friend of his on how to compromise in a relationship. Fo rlike 30 minutes this guy talks to me about how couples giv up to easy on their marriages. Hes been divorced twice! Anyways so I am telling him nicely that I have put plenty of effort into my amrriage with his buddy. Hes telling me a man needs his woman to support him yadayadyyadadada and ona dn on. I loose it and yelled at him finally. I had to make ammends fo rit too. All signs point to divorce but I am going to move out for ahile first so he doesnt go ballistic on me. I am so over it. I used to get sad and angry over things like being hung up on on our anniversary and no card or present. Im not angry today. I just realize that he doesnt love me like I had hoped he would. He never will. He may be incapable but I hop enot fo rhis sake. I remember what being in love feels like....it was with my husband.....it was always painful with him though....maybe i didnt ever relaly love HIM. I loved the idea of an alternate him. A better him that would have loved me because the alternate him has a functioning brain. Seriously. if you knew me you would be perplexed as my plight. Why on earth have I let things go on this long? My daughter...that's why at this point. Before then??? who knows....probably because I was supposed to be paired up with my daughter. Go dknew we needed each other. I'm on my way to being me again and I am excited. I gues I can quit this group now because I have decided not to staty in my marriage. I like jsut using EP as a diary that talks back to me. My sexless marriage story has the details of my relationship.
Gypsychick88 Gypsychick88 41-45 4 Responses May 15, 2011

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Charlie- your advice is wondefful. If only i could behave for anoter year. Most of the time i hate him for not loving me. Hes the most self centered person i know. Im too hurt now. More of my story is in my other one. Hes hit me, called me a c***, a w**** a b**** one too many times. Im nice and he accuses me of having an attitude. Im a mother first and foremost and i am a very unhqppy wife which makes me less of a mother than i had dreamed of being. 3 counselors and no improvement. He hates kissing and i could kiss for hours. He may have sat beside me on the same couch close enough to touch maybe 10 times and that was before we ot married. Im just aromantic idiot who thought he would end up wanting me like i did him. I wish that it were different. I wanted my daughter to grow up in a loving affectionate home. Instead, she has seen her father ignore, me, talk rude, hit me, throw things at me, walk past me as i cry, sleep on the couch, and wear thw most horrible overalls in the universe every weekend! Anyhow. I vent here. Its like an anonymous diary that talks back. He will be loved again. Hes a good provider and a decent dad and a roomate who annoys the heck outa me. Sorry to have rambled on.

So you have made the decision to leave your marriage. That is a brave and difficult decision - and not one made lightly. Do you already know everything that it will take and everything that it will mean? <br />
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I received advice once, that the day I did finally decide that I should leave my marriage to start a countdown - 1 year. And in that 1 year to do everything I can to save my marriage and to truly work on both me and on us as a couple. The reason for this advice was that I needed to know at the end that I truly did everything I could to save the marriage. I would wonder, doubt and feel guilt if I didn't. If after one year, I still felt the same way and could honestly tell myself that I tried, then I could go ahead and move on with a clear conscious.<br />
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Isn't 1 year worth it? I know it may seem right now - in the moment of pain, loneliness, stress and deep sadness that 1 year sounds like a long time and that you would be wasting just one more year of your life. But for the sake of the rest of your life and your sanity - 1 year is a very short amount of time to give it your all.<br />
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I also suggest picking up some books that talk about how you can work on turning your marriage around by yourself - even if your husband is unwilling to discuss or work on the marriage. During that 1 year just try to connect and don't talk about splitting up - only about what you can do to change things.<br />
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Obviously I don't know you or your situation - so this advice could be way off and I may sound like a fool. But it helped me. I had not yet even made the decision to leave and am still hopeful that things will change. I haven't started my 1 year yet, and instead I am doing everything I can to work on my own happiness, and trying to improve my part in the relationship. My wife refuses to even talk about us. She isn't sure she loves me or wants to stay married - and she may leave me. But in the meantime, I will do all I can to save my marriage and renew our love for each other.

25 your kind and encouraging. Thank you. Im sad and tired. Had the conversation about splitting up again. Its time to make the move. Going to be on my way soon. So glad you found love. She lives close to you? I hope you have plenty of time together. I suppose i may believe in finding 'the love of my life' again one day. I thought it was my husband but its not so. I sure did love him though....the idea of a better him actually. How fair that was. I set him up for failure from the start. Im glad you found happiness. I know i will. The decision to move on has releived some of my anxiety already. Be well peace

Hey GC, so sorry for your anniversary let down. It sucks. Usually the pains we suffer in life, are really learning experiences in disguise. So seldom successful, and so foolish we are during our “maybe he / she will change” stage. Learn what we can from these lessons and use that knowledge to build a better future. <br />
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I have been blessed to have found someone that can appreciate me, love me, cherish me, and have that passion again, in return, just as a real love relationship is supposed to be. Count this as a sign, a guide post along your journey through life, that you will be guided to your path. <br />
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Yes, I found my true love, my hearts desire, here on ep. Someone who has suffered as we have, seeking passion and romance, from someone that had become, or perhaps always was, incapable of identifying, much less caring about, and satisfying, those dreams, needs, wants and desires we all have.<br />
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We all deserve to live the dream. Most of us postpone seeking the path for the sake of our children. But there comes a time….<br />
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Be strong, have faith, and follow your path that I hope will lead you…. To happily ever after.