I Am Very Curious....

I got married at 20 years old. This month, in fact, I will have been married for a third of my life! I think divorce rates are higher simply because divorce is more acceptable now than it was in previous generations. Not because people were happier back then.

Having said this, I think that the reason that my husband and I are staying so strongly together, is because we are in love, and continue to do the little things, and listen to each other.

MOST importantly, though.. you've got to be friends first. Really... if you're not marrying your BEST FRIEND, you shouldn't get married. Bottom line.

I've said it before and I'll say it again....

COMMON INTERESTS...that is what will keep two people together...if you like painting for example, find someone who also has a passion for it, not just a mere interest..a passion...then you are certain to share your passion of painting in life. The more passions you share, the greater the chance of success and becoming best friends.

Think about what life was like when you were a kid...running around your neighborhood...you had friends that you played with...the same rule applies...who do you want to play with for the rest of your life? Duh...someone that wants to do the same things as you! Just be sure that they are passions!!! Not just a flimsy interest that may fade over time...a passion....understand? :)

I've been married for 15 years. My husband and I no longer have anything in common other than our three kids. We went to marriage counseling, it didn't other work than get us to stop arguing. Now we live like room mates with children. We have a 9 1/2 year age difference (I'm younger). He's a pothead. I'm not.

I do believe that doing things together is very important in sharing common interests and making the marriage last. I have noticed in friends/family with long lasting marriages, they all do things together, have date nights and still make time for each other.

Th eproblem is that priorties change with time, and what you liked about your spouse in your 20's may not be necessary important to you in your 30's and 40's. Let's say you like your bf or gf because they are funny caring, etc. You get married and then his career becomes an important thing (new priority) and spends 12 hours a day at work, and gradually you grow apart, but of course this doesn't happen to everyone.

I got married when I was 19 and he was 22. That was 10 years ago. I think the main thing that makes it so easy for us is not having kids. Our friends who have divorced seemed to be about differences in raising the kids. Also, although we have many common interests we do have differences of opinion. We can have great conversations and debates and really stimulate each other mentally and emotionally. We never fight and have a great time together.
I don't really believe in marriage. I got married because I was young and felt pressured to do it by my mother. I just wanted us to move in together. I have never felt any more or less commited to our relationship because of being married. I also don't think love should be hard. I don't believe in couple's counseling or anything. We agree that if it gets that hard we take a break or walk away.
A couple of my friends will probably end up divorced. They have gotten married when they shouldn't have. Not because they know divorce is a pretty easy option, but I think because they thought that being married was somehow going to repair a broken relationship.
As far as sexless marriage, nobody should have to have that. As a woman I think men sometimes focus on themselves too much in terms of what they can do or are doing wrong. Instead of trying to be romantic or caring or figuring out what else you can do, maybe help her to figure out what is going on with herself. Maybe it isn't about how she feels toward you, maybe it's about how she feeld toward herself. Low self esteem or depression and such can really wreck it for a woman.

That is a difficult question. I would say it's likely yes.
I have a few friends who married young because they got pregnant.
I talked to one of them the other day. She got married when she was 18. She said her husband is just a 'Dad' for their kids and not a man or lover.

So she doesn't wanna go out with him alone. She said it creeps her out.

Unfortunately I don't know anybody who married young and be happy.

Part of the reasons is when you marry young, you don't get to do what you want to do. You have to sacrifice a lot. You see your friends are having fun while you have to stay home to support the family.

But I am sure there are many happy couples who married young too. So it depends on who you marry to.

Been married a 'couple' of times. All of those times, in 20/20 hindsight were for the wrong reasons. The person that mentioned getting involved in a relationship, where booze is a constant element, generally the relationship will certainly end in a disaster. A drunk person is not the real person, that you will get to know later on, if they ever manage to get sober. Some people marry repeatedly due to the main fact they are simply afraid to be alone, in this world. Especially true of a woman on her own with children to raise. That is a scary place to be, with all the responsibility on her shoulders alone. So many times a woman with children, that get no support, from their X, will settle for any man that comes along, and shows interest in her. Bad thinking, especially if the man, doesn't include her children in the marriage vows. This situation is worse on the children than on either of the adults. Some people simply get married, because our world has programmed us to do so. From the time we were little, that was what we saw as the 'norm', at least for those of us that grew up in the 50's, 60' and 70's. I suppose since I have been married a "couple' of times, that I really don't see the sense in it at all. All I have ever witnessed, is that one person or the other will become disillusioned and unhappy, so one or the other is going to get hurt very badly. But to anyone that has married and has stayed happy for years, I hold a candle up to you, as that is quite an accomplishment to be very proud of.

I've said it before and I'll say it again...COMMON INTERESTS...passions in life will keep you together. If you don't SHARE any passions, then it's more effort than it's worth. Find someone who you can laugh with, talk with, DO THINGS with...SHARE your COMMON goals and desires with each other. And just for the record, sex doesn't count for 100% of it, it has to out of the bedroom as well.

So, think about something you LOVE to do or something you always had a passion for. Now, be realistic and ask yourself if this is something your significant other also has a passion for...and I mean passion, not just a flimsy interest that may fade over time...a passion, got it? :)

Good luck.

I call in to question your numbers though. Ever heard that statistics lie?

Divorcerate.com indicates that 41% of first marriages end in divorce...so if it is your first time around for both of you odds are good. If you want to improve your odds even more have kids. Only 1/3 of the couples calling it quits have children.

I am married. I would hate to have missed out on it...no matter what happens in the future I am so glad to have had the time so far. Maybe I am just one of the lucky majority though...

Ps) those statistics do seem to bear out that a later marriage does lead to a better probability of success.

I got married when I was 25. I didn't then, and don't now, feel that "Marriage" is anything but a ceremony and some documents. The only reason I got married is because my parents put a lot of pressure on us to "do the right thing." What I didn't realize at that time was that "the right thing" for me is different than "the right thing" for other people. My ex husband is still my very best friend. We have a son together and we will always be a big part of each other's lives. But we weren't ready to get married and when I look back on it, I really resent my parents for their roll in that very bad decision.
I agree that that the risk of divorce goes up as age goes down. I tell my son to put his passion into the things he is interested in, into educating himself, and experiencing the amazing things this life has to offer. I teach him how to make goals and the joy of reaching them. I tell him that before he can spend his life with someone else, he has to make something of himself and his life. I tell him that he will make a wonderful husband and father one day and that if he catches his dreams first, then he'll have the time and energy to help his children catch theirs one day too.

I think people are enamoured by the romance of the idea of marriage. I think so many young people rush into it without having throught about what it really means to be married. When you are married, you have friends together. You don't take off on Friday nights to party with your boys anymore. This idea that it's supposed to work like that is just ridiculous. When you get married, you ARE no longer single and you certainly don't go hang out with your single friends and act like you are. Your marriage is something you respect and handle carefully. When you make that committment, you are not just saying " I will be with you forever" you are making a committment to not put yourself in situations that put your marriage at risk. If you go into marriage without some serious thought on what it means, then you're definitly screwed. It is not to be taken lightly....and therein lies the problem with our high failure rates. People aren't taking it seriously. Marriage means "single behavior" is OVER. No more hitting on cute girls in clubs or work or the grocery store. No more flirting with your boss, or the cute guy at the movie store. Getting married means you love and RESPECT your relationship enough to act like it every day for the rest of your lives. It's pretty heavy.

I have the passion and love and strength to be a wife again to the right man. But I don't think I will EVER get married again. It's not the heavy responsibility or anything like that. It's that I don't know if there is anyone else out there who can handle it. I have very little faith in that.