Since my husband has decided to leave me, and the country... and go on an indefinite holiday, I guess this is the time for me to re-evaluate... how I feel without him, how I cope, what my options are... and whether I'm willing to stay in this marriage any longer and work on (what feels to me like) a lost cause!

My very clever guru-person once told me that some people must be loved only as a friend... and some people must be loved only from a distance!!  These may be, for me, the best ways to love this man that I married...

Lizzy22 Lizzy22
36-40, F
12 Responses Mar 2, 2008

Some are ideally "loved" through the cross-hairs of a 4x Bausch&Lomb.

I had a lovely time over at your place the other night .. You and P.... seem to have changed in some way. He still makes great coffee ... I do hope things works out. <br />
<br />
Kinkitty Hugs

You're right, DiaDhuit - I should have thrown a party!! Thing is, he's back now and I suppose we're trying again... I guess time will tell on how that'll work out, huh? At least I know that I'm doing great by myself :)

Thanks, Kindamagic... seems like we're not breaking up quite yet - he returned to both the country and me! The problems still exist though, so who knows where we'll end up - at least we're still trying! Your thoughts mean a lot, though... we'll have to speak to KK and get together for coffee sometime :) no time like the present to get to know each other, right?

Sorry to hear you guys are breaking up, I didn't get to know you well but from what KK told me you were close. My prayers be with you on your journey of discovery.

I'll try, but he doesn't really do dinner party's or light socializing... i'll send his contact details by PM

Let us know when it's done. Oh and I need the guru-person's number ..... Or even better lets have a diner party over at your house.

Thanks, kinkitty!! Also thank the guru-person, although he wouldn't want any credit for this... in fact, i'm writing a blog about this as we speak - i've only just realized how damn far i've come in 4 years!

Lizzy22 - we have been friends for so many years, I stopped counting .... I have seen you up's and down's and you have seen mine. <br />
<br />
I have noticed how strong you became in the last few years and I admire your strength now... <br />
<br />
I have always loved you, but I have to admit, I LIKE YOU MORE NOW!

Thanks, guys... I'm actually three weeks into this journey of being geographically single, and have never been happier in my life! I feel incredibly free without my husband's presence, which tells me a lot about what I really feel for him, I guess. These have been wonderful weeks of contemplation, rediscovering myself and what I want / need / deserve...

Time and distance are two things that are indispensable to shedding light on how we really feel about people. As for me, I’m the kind of person who only begins to love my neighbor once I see a For Sale sign in front of his house.

To me, the "ideal marriage" would be one where both partners agree that it will be to support each other in expressing their inmost being - Who They Really Are - and having as much fun as possible while doing it. It would be an EQUAL partnership.<br />
<br />
I was fortunate to have a 34 year marriage which was substantially along those lines, although I have updated my concepts a great deal since it ended, in "death do us part" (on the physical dimension, anyway).<br />
<br />
Now, if it looks to you that those aims cannot be subscribed to by both of you, then perhaps it is time to consider, "In what way (if any) does this marriage support me and further my aims in life?"<br />
<br />
It will be that you both have met and married for a reason; that may have been to clear some "unfinished business" (karma) together. Do you think that is finished? Does it feel like it is finished? If not, then maybe there is purpose for remaining married pro tem; but otherwise, it may be holding you both back from the onward journey to expressing Who You Really Are. It is of course up to YOU to decide - do this for YOU, as you are the most important person in your life - no-one can save anybody else, nor can they walk another's path for them...