Caught My Husband Remotely Spying On Me On My Computer

About 2 months ago I left my husband of almost 8 years and moved across town.  We agreed that we did both still love each other and would continue to be married and spend time together etc.  For almost our entire marriage I have suspected that he was snooping on my personal computer.  He would bring things up he shouldn't have known about.  I asked him about one particular comment and he told me I didn't erase my history so I made it easy for him to find his info.  I was pissed!!!  What business did he have even being on my laptop let alone searching my history???  Plus, I rarely forget to erase my history it's just a habit.  At the time it wasn't that huge of a deal - it wasn't like I was cheating on him or anything like that.  So here is where the story gets good.  We are now legally separated and I live across town.  I was home all alone, it was late at night, I was bored and lonely.  So I went on a popular webcam chat site (Not Adult Site!!!) but I met a really nice guy from Australia.  I was stupid and what happened after that was pretty shameful and I was feeling quite guilty afterward.  Then not 5 minutes after our "conversation" ended I received an email from my husband.  All it said was "What are you doing? God is Watching You."  I freaked out!!!!!!  I replied to his email calling him a lying jerk and that God isn't watching me YOU are.  He then responded with well if I am a jerk what does this picture make you?  Then there it was!!!  An actually screenshot of the entire conversation including the pictures of the webcam.  It looked exactly like what I had on my screen just like I was looking at my own computer screen.  I was actually relieved because I finally know that I wasn't paranoid.  He was in fact spying on me.  He installed a spyware program on my computer that hides from anti virus and anti malware software.  It disguises itself and runs deep in the background undetected.  The program then sends him emails to his personal email with a screen shot of every web page I visit!!!!  He has been doing this for years.  Now I know.  I finally know the truth.  The agreement to continue our relationship is entirely over for me.  Even though he did email me and tell me that as long as I repent to God, we remarry in a church this time instead of a justice of the peace, and I agree to completely turn my life around he is willing to forgive me for my infidelity.  No flippin way.  I am now entirely creeped out and now wonder if he is spying on my in other ways?  EEK!!!
Shellywieskamp Shellywieskamp
23 Responses Jan 2, 2012

That's what happens to men who are control freaks it's not the females fault men are so occupied with what's not really happening (they think she's cheating) when in reality she's just trying to have a good time since dummy dumb is so focused on imaging her with another all because he shows no interest in her anymore all attention is on who the other is, how can he find out, etc. Men force female to seek fun, excitement, she wants to feel special like when they or 2 people meet.. too bad those dummies can't figure out that it is something inevitable if someone us going to cheat they are going to cheat whether or not you're a great adventurous outgoing fun person ..don't become some freaking weirdo spying and stalking your spouse/partner if you believe in second chances have a talk and try to work it out if you don't then just move ON.. like the saying goes "It Is Better To Have Loved And Lost, Then to Have Never Loved At All!" Respect others choice and privacy most of all have respect for yourself and show some dignity creep'os

I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I don't think people really understand what a person goes through once your personal rights have been violated, and especially by someone that is supposed to love you. It really is an unforgivable act of cruelty. This has happened so many times to me that I don't trust any body. I am living a nightmare. I don't understand why he wants to do this. There are so many eccentricities in his behavior that tell tales on him. I don't know what to do, I am creeped out too. .

I found a couple spy cams in my home, my ex husband had set them up in our bedroom, he spied on my phone, my computer had numerous spy software. When I found the clock radio beside our bed, I knew the relationship was over. He had gone over the edge, I packed up a suitcase, grabbed my dog and left to a different province. Never to go back to that sicko. Creepy manipulative pervert.
Been divorced for a year from the sicko, no contact, never want to see him again. My life is great now!

I'm pretty sure my boyfriend, watches everything i do when i use his desktop. As creepy and weird that it is should i confront him about it?

First off, anybody being in a relationship where the one or both people have a double life and failed communication is a recipe for disaster. I believe the majority of people today are not mature, a loving relationship is supposed to be a very close, personal and basically two people becoming one... you need to act as one unit. Enjoy and love each other.

Your ex husband is not creepy, your the creepy person... ! keeping secrets, leading your ex into a life of a lie... you betrayed him and his trust.... if he didn't trust you, he would leave you... be probably spied on you cause he felt something that didn't sit right about you and him in a relationship... so because he wants to feel secure again, he wanted to see for validation that nothing wrong is going on. After failed in validating, he found out u basically went on a dating site to meet another man.... ur ex is a bit on the Un easy side

You are creepy person not him, if my mother cheated or disrespected my father like that, I would feel betrayed by my own mother as well.... you people don't know what children end up going through because of immature adults who don't even know the basics to a relationship.

He should ask you directly, but maybe your relationship with him didn't sit right for both of you.

I did!!! I have never been happier.

I know its far to late for my advice to help you, but others will read this. I have been a Security professional for 25 years. 1) Computer and Internet router, Your cellphone and other e-devices, any fixed webpages like face book. CHANGE EVERYTHING !!! 2) Your ex is a "BULLY". The motives and behaviors of a bully are completely different from what you could anticipate from a normal person. A bully's primary motive is to disempower you. To make you feel helpless, hopeless and trapped. 3) Surround yourself with friends (people who elevate you). 4) Never show any emotion to your bully, they feed on it. 5) Counseling never works with a bully !!! 6) See rule 5 again.
Good luck all Brian (dutytotruth)

You are so right Duty. I left him and moved on. I now have a happy HEALTHY relationship. I learned some hard but good lessons. I will never again let anyone bully me. My new motto is to love me as I am or move on and I will do the same. Mutual respect is an awesome thing. Thanks for posting.

So can you give advice on how to catch them... i know my ex is spying on me. He was here over Christmas and was left alone in the home for a few hours... ever since my computer lags and my phone clicks... all my stuff goes through one company... he will call and know what we have been up to... i know with everything in my heart and want it to stop now... it's crazy that he actually thinks this is okay. I have approached him in a round about way but I just need to make it stop. If you have any advice it would be so welcome !!!

I know its far to late for my advice to help you, but others will read this. I have been a Security professional for 25 years. 1) Computer and Internet router, Your cellphone and other e-devices, any fixed webpages like face book. CHANGE EVERYTHING !!! 2) Your ex is a "BULLY". The motives and behaviors of a bully are completely different from what you could anticipate from a normal person. A bully's primary motive is to disempower you. To make you feel helpless, hopeless and trapped. 3) Surround yourself with friends (people who elevate you). 4) Never show any emotion to your bully, they feed on it. 5) Counseling never works with a bully !!! 6) See rule 5 again.
Good luck all Brian (dutytotruth)

My husband is spying on me. He looks at my searches. He looks at my email. He looks at my FB.
I'm not cheating either. But I'm trapped. We are gaurdians to my niece. Her mom died of cancer and her dad, my brother, is a drug addict. My husband and I are the only stability she's ever had.
I have no job skills. I can't leave him because of my niece. I tried working on our marriage but he ignores my needs and played manipulative mind games that depress and exhaust me. I'm so tired of it. In stuck.
I'm miserable and that's the way he likes it. He constantly tells me he loves me. Everyone tells me what a great husband he is and that it's obvious he loves me. They say that because he's passive aggressive and they don't see him as I do, a polite mean man. Everyday he patronizes me telling me what he thinks I want,to hear to avoid having an actual conversation, but his actions tell the truth. He is good at making himself look good to our friends and family.
I realized he told my son and his wife I wanted to leave him. I'm sick! I'm sick of his polight cruelness. I don't want to be with him anymore. I honestly think he takes great pleasure in my misery.
Yeah, he'll read this. But that doesn't change a thing.

We are never trapped. Everyone has "skills" or the opportunity to learn them. We can rely on no one but ourselves. It may take time and effort but go back to school, start a part-time job to gain the skills you need, become self reliant. Feeling like you have some control and independence in your life may just give you the boost you need.

I think, you need to turn the tables and develop your own personal self ego. Go to school, start a career.

Become more positive and start leading yourself and then lead ur husband. You should always keep good communication between both of you always. Some people have a very strong BS Meter, so just be straight forward!

Develop yourself and you need more confidence, don't be shy to reverse situations on your husband. If he spies on you, ask him if he's doing anything, and explain to him how you feel...

Develop yourself and who you are personally, you were not born in the world for no reason. You have skills, you just haven't discovered them.. go find them.! also, prepare for any possible scenarios for just in case. Be loyal and don't be a sneaker! Lol. You will get stronger if u focus on it.

**** this is freaky
i would hide and run from these kind of people as far as i can lol

I can't get away from's lonely and freaky to say the least. I try so hard to make my life work and move forward so I can have choices, but it hurts to know that people that are supposed to be your friends are betraying you. That is not love, this is pain, allot of pain.

Ouch. That is serious. I suspected my wife of cheating on me, and I installed a keylogger (that was removed by antivirus) but I had a wholly different set of circumstances, as in her friends telling me in a hush hush fashion that when she'd become pregnant, she wasn't sure who the father was, and was terrified to mention that fact to me. In your case, if you did nothing to provoke it, your hubby needs to grow up without a doubt!

how are things going for you , Shell? Thinking of you

I have now been happily divorced for over a year now. Dating a wonderful man I have known since high school. I am amazed how wonderful life can be. My now ex remarried within weeks of ending our relationship. (a women he had met online) That lasted less than a month. lol Karma can be a ***** I guess. ;-)

Run don't walk away from that man! I'm all icked out thinking of him spying like that. He's sick. There are also anti-spy software. U might want to look into that. He probably has one of the best spyware programs. U pay a monthly fee after downloading the software and u can read emails, fb messages, if u sync up your phone to your pc or mac he could read all your SMS messages! Good luck!!!!

OMG!!! You are so right. This all first happened months ago but I forgave him (and he claimed to have forgiven me?) and we continued our relationship even after the divorce was final. To make a long story short I was chatting with an old classmate of mine and got a phone call from my now x husband asking what I was doing talking to a single man when we are in a committed relationship. After he promised me and bragged that he had changed and that he had removed all the software. I had reformatted my computer and lost everything and then installed spyware blocker but he still found a way to do it. He of course says I was "cheating" and claims he never wants to see me again and the relationship is over in his eyes. Kinda a relief actually and if he wants to think it was all because of me I don't really care. Glad this is finally over.

he must have the best of the best spy ware, if he is still able to spy on you .... if he can get into ur p/c that means he can do it to any one... in some states, that is a felony.. were you talking to the guy on line or your phone? if it was ur phone, he has spy ware on ur phone.. how is he getting into ur p/c phone? did u find any spy ware in ur home?

I am shocked by your situation- although my husband has read my journal when I was I'll and left my bag downstairs ... You are so better off without him! Good luck<br />

Divoce that man NOW! Call 911Now! Something is very wrong with him. Get out of town you wll be dead soon if you stay around him. I'am praying for you.

Your a freak, you need a drink to calm down.... why are you people so easy spooked out? Why do u think a person would look into another's computer? Cause something is not right with their relationship, not him, not her.... if u were married to someone and they came home smelling like dirty vagina, what would you say if they deny it constantly? what do u do? Sit their a hope for a miracle to come out that tells you the truth?

Man. , the way of ur comments really makes me think you have lots of privacy yourself.

You know its a small small world..........Your story sounds so much like me , just be careful of the attorney you chooose. I live in a county that complety caters to the man.

I am all kinds of mixed up from this. He still wants to make it work. I feel numb and brain damaged.

I understand, you are emotionally bankrupt. Your fighting a storm you can't see. Pretty hard to weather!

DON"T DO IT!!!!!

he may have cameras in ur home .. it would make me feel so paranoid

I don't really feel paranoid. I feel numb. That's it. Just numb.

Numb is how I feel also, sad too. Bad part is that I finally said screw it and started using my computer again yesterday, and I know he will see everything I do on it today. He has a tough acting job tonight in front of him.

Repent and sin no more! Just kidding, what a creep. I think you're doing the right thing and I hope you stick to your "no contact"; he's shown what kind of person he is.

He probably heard it from one of his patients! That is rather odd. Good luck with whatever you decide. Maybe if you still feel love for him try counseling. He of all folks should be open to that.

did u find out what program he uses?

No not yet. If I find out I will let you know. If you google spy wear it is amazing how many are out there.

yes so many..... for phones, cars, computers.... for homes........

If he says you were unfaithful and is so into computer spying, he clearly knows what this is all about. Takes one to judge one. A thief believes everyone else steals. This is creepy and he should take care of it professionally before you even think of getting back with him.

Weird thing is he is a clinical psychologist. Don't you think he shoud know better?

Then he's got bigger issues. Good luck!

Message me some time about living with clinical psychologist. I wonder if there is a group called "I am married to a crazy-*** psychologist"?

this is not the norm for someone that is normal. i would not only do as the enna said above but i would also check for stalking and privacy laws he may have broken. press a few charges and a restraining order. get somone to check that pc that can prove the crap he has been doing use it in court and get rid of him. i think with what you have said here i would even be aware there is things he may be tracking you with. dont mean to scare you but gps and such keeping up with you. have your car and cell phones checked. i would get a new pc

I switched cell phone carriers yesterday. My new phone should be here by Friday. Want to hear a real kicker? He is a Clinical Psychologist. What he did is against the law in my state. I could press charges. BUT the evidence I have (the screenshot) is not something I would enjoy showing to ANYONE!!! It is just to embarrassing. I did a reboot to factory settings on my laptop but I am still feeling pretty creeped out so I think I will buy a new one anyway. Even though this one is only about 6 months old.

if he is a clinical phychologist this might be a ticket for you. check on the laws regarding his state license find out if you can use this to levey against him. hold his feet to the fire and if that snap shot comes out proscuite him for invation of privacy. but if you threaten the job he might give you what ever you want to get clear of it. i would also have his pc secured as part of the devoirce if possible. make him caugh up the negitives sorta speak. you have to realize that he could use this at any time so it is already out there. sorry but i would air on the caution side but what i want if this comes to light. which could any how because he is not stable.

I could do that and I will if my hand is forced. Next on my list of things to do is call an attorney tomorrow. I think what I will do is tell my attorney the story and have them send a letter to his attorney telling him to immediately remove any software and anything that he has that on it that belongs to me or we will press charges.

hope that visit went well and hold dont fold them. good luck

1 More Response

Go to a reputable computer company and have them search your computer for the relevant spy ware. If necessary, buy a new computer.<br />
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Change your phone number or set your phone up to block his calls. Tell all your friends and family you are not accepting any calls that do not come up with personal ID. That will stop him reaching you by calling from other phones.<br />
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Go to a lawyer and ask him/her to write to your husband saying that any further communication with you must go through the lawyer.<br />
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Ensure you DO talk to others about this situation and express your concerns for your personal safety. You may think t won't come to this, but a person with such issues is seriously disturbed. Do not rely on the "hope" that he will behave appropriately . . . ..

Thank you Enna. I changed my cell phone company and number. My new phone should arrive in the next couple of days. Calling a lawyer will be on my agenda tomorrow. I did find out that what he did is against the law but the evidence is just too embarrassing so I am going to ask my attorney to send his attorney a letter telling him to immediately remove any software he has installed on his computer along with any saved images that belong to me or we will press charges.

YIKES! He sounds really insecure that he would resort to doing that to you. I understand that when your married you should have nothing to hide but that is ridiculous. I would get rid of that computer! C.R.E.E.P.Y.<br />
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Do you have kids together?

No kids together thank goodness.

im with you then. time to move on sister.