Post

What Do I Believe And Should I Stay

First let me start off by saying that I am a stay at home mommy to some of the best children in the world. I have been married to my husband for 12 years now. Now to get to the interesting part....
About a year ago, my husband and I were talking about combining our cell phone bills to save money. In an attempt to do that, I found some unrecognizable numbers on his bill. This one particular number kept showing up over and over again. When I asked who it was, he replied that it was a friend. After investigating a little further, I noticed that there was texting and phone calls almost every day. So, in attempt to set my mind at ease, I called the number to see who it was. I was completely baffled to find a woman on the other end of the phone call. I asked who she was and when she told me her name, I was floored. It was a friend of my mother in law. Someone that she trusted. Further investigation showed that they had been talking pretty regularly for almost 6 months. When I questioned her about the motive of their conversations, she said that she had hooked my husband up with a pot dealer. At this point, I felt myself sinking in what felt like quicksand. Not only had my husband been talking to another woman, he was apparently smoking pot as well. This woman continued to tell me that there was nothing romantic between her and my husband, but that they had only been speaking so that she could help him get his pot. I turned to my husband, who was out of town for business at the time, for answers. He said that he had been smoking pot as stress relief for almost 3 years. Now let me also add, in the time that his pot smoking was at an all time high, I became pregnant with my youngest. Finding out that he impregnated me while he was doing drugs was completely devastating. Anyone that knows me personally, knows that I am a damn good mother and my children mean the world to me. I was so angry with him. I couldn't understand how I couldn't have known what was going on. How could I have been so blind? I immediately began to worry about our baby and took him to the doctor for a complete workup. Thank God, he is perfectly healthy and there was no ill affects from my husbands indescretions. With the baby taken care of, I then had to focus on finding the truth. I made it my mission to find out if my husband had cheated with this woman in question. It was bad enough that he had been smoking pot, but I had to know if he was also having a relationship with this woman that extended beyond friendship. They both swear that it was only friendship that started with his need to find the dealer that she hooked him up with. But I don't want to be one of those stupid wives that believes every lie that their husband tells. I have since gone to counseling, which was a complete waste of time because I couldn't get the only answer that I need..."did my husband have a romantic relationship with this woman?" I thought that our marriage was great! I had no complaints; the sex was great, we talked constantly, we had regular date nights, we were just in love. Our marriage seemed to be one of those that most people would envy. And now, it just seems to be falling apart. I have given him several opportunities to tell me if he had sex with this woman, and he has denied that type of relationship with her. I have even given him immunity if he comes clean, and yet, he still denies it. I am the type of person that can forgive easily, but only if I have all of the details. I am scared to death that 5 years down the road, I will find out that he did have a romantic relationship with this woman and I will have wasted invaluable time. I really feel like he has destroyed me and my whole world. I don't think that I will ever be the same person that I once was. I just need advice from someone that has been there and I need to know if I am being stupid should I choose to stay in this marriage. And for the record, the friend is no longer someone that anybody in the family associates with and I hate her with everything in me.
brokenwife4 brokenwife4 36-40, F 1 Response Apr 24, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

Did you see any of the texts back and forth? They would give you the best clue. Are they talking about stuff they would be doing together or just about the pot? Still, it all boils down to whether you can trust him or not. If he lies about this, what else does he lie about?



You say he travels for business. Do you ever check the receipts? How about the phone records? Who does he call while he's gone? If they don't call each other while hes away, maybe she went with him. Check bank records and credit cards as well.



I know it sucks to have to do this and maybe find out things about him, but if it were me I would want to know everything right now. If he is hiding something, its best to get it all in the open and deal with it. If you plan on staying with him, let him know there cannot be any more secrets between you. He has to lay it all out, and both of you have to deal with it, or else you are missing a big part of your marriage. You have to be able to trust one another.

I have never been a jealous wife, so it took me awhile to figure out that I needed to check all of those things. No indications that she traveled with him and I am pretty sure that he hides nothing from me now. It is just a shame that he ruined the trust and I'm still wondering if I can ever trust him again....but I am trying with all of my heart. Thank you so much for your input :)