I'm Too Young To Be Married

I feel like I should give some background information so here it goes. I'm the youngest daughter in a large family of seven. Growing up with that family was everything a girl could ask for. Yes we bickered but we all loved each other, steady that's the way it seemed to my naive self. My mother suffered with depression and bipolar disorder, on too of that she also abused her pills. When I was 15 I fell in love for the first time. It was innocent and beautiful but he was a foster child and was taken to a new home. I never heard from him again. The next summer when I was 16 I met my husband. I was at church with my niece and he was tall and handsome. I thought I wasn't the prettiest girl so for him to pay attention to me was a miracle. It professed like any normal relationship except for the fact that all our dates had to take place inside the house under my parents supervision. I didn't care, I was too happy to have this guy in my life. My husband hated my parents and my siblings immediately which should have been a warning sign to me since family is very important to me. I had been dating my husband for almost two years when my parents decided to ban me from seeing him. My relationship with my mother had always been a little rocky but when I started dating it took a toll for the worst. Minor episodes of physical abuse, the worst she ever did was purposely break my toe, but a lot of mental abuse. I was a *****, I was stupid, I was unfit to be her daughter. But I still loved my mom. I decided it was time for me to move out of my parents house. Now I was about 6 months shy of 18 and I waited until my junior year of high school was over and I moved in with my grandparents. I lived with them about a month before my parents decided I should come home. I didn't want to go back home. One day the sheriffs showed up and informed me that if I wasn't at my parents by tomorrow I would be charged with unruly child and sent to juvenile detention. I called my boyfriend crying. I had never been in tribe before. I was a straight A student who had never even gotten in trouble at school. My boyfriend decided the best thing to do would be to run away. So I did. I stayed hidden in an apartment with no water, 3 books and 5 movies for over a month. Only talking to my boyfriend once or twice a week because the cops we're following him and he didn't want to lead them to me. Isolation is the worst form of torture. I told him once that I had had enough and he got so angry with me. Throwing my stuff at me, telling me to go ahead and put him in jail by leaving. I stayed, knowing we would get caught eventually and then he would be able to blame me. Well we were caught not long after that and I was put into juvenile detention. He bonded out of jail. I was told we were to have no contact for two years. I was originally placed with my sister but then went home to my parents. My life went back to normal. Until one night I got an email from him. Telling me he loved me an that I was to sneak out to meet him. I did. He told me to come live with him, he said the no contact order wasn't a big deal. I moved in with him. My parents called the cops on us yet again. The sheriffs didn't arrest us. They only informed us that if we were serious about each other getting married would void the no contact order. So we eloped. We've been married now for over a year and now I'm 19. The girl who was suppose to be valedictorian dropped out of school and got her GED. The girl who had a full ride to Yale is now at a mediocre college. And the man she married is in jail from the charges when I ran away. He still has 6 months to go. I've been questioning this marriage for quite some time and I just need an unbiased opinion. I know my husband loves me. He works to support me while I go to school. He doesn't drink, do drugs or even smoke. We already own one home and were buying another for a rental property. The question is do I love him. I left him once and he tried to commit suicide. I know I care about him greatly or I would've left a thousand times over. The only thing that is keeping me in this relationship is his need for me. I just need an outside opinion. I've talked to my mom and she is in favor of me leaving him. My dad being catholic wants me to stay in he marriage. I don't know what to do anymore. Oh and sorry for it being so long.
ayoungone ayoungone
18-21, F
3 Responses May 4, 2012

Love have a powerful a affect on everyone and everything. Love is the biggest thing there is to life. Break it down to him with loving and care. Time will do the rest. We all are here to learn from one another and for each other too. Explain to him that you're not leaving him for another man but for your own reasons. Love are beautiful when it is free and not contained, shared and giving not expected or forced and love does hurt so but it will heals.

I know I don't love him as much as I should but I care about him too much to hurt him by leaving.

I feel so sorry for you right now to have gone through all this at such a young age. All i feel after reading this that you deserve to be happy and not confused or in a dilemma. You should leave him because only that is when you'll be truly happy I believe. Take good care of yourself. This life is too short to live this way.<br />
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"Guilt is the hilt of the knife that we use on ourselves, and love is often the blade; but it's worry that keeps the knife sharp, and worry that gets most of us, in the end." ~ Shantaram