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Married To An Addict..

My husband and I have been together for 4 years. This year we will celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary. I feel like in our 3 years of marriage we have experience more trouble than most. Before we got married, my husband started messing with pills.. Shortly after we got married, the pills turned into a pretty bad addiction. I left. After a month or so, he told me he was taking his meds like he was supposed to. No more snorting. We tried it again.. For the first month, things were good. Then the mild addiction turned into a life threatening addiction. I was working full time and he would take my check every pay day because he "controlled finances". Apparently the only finances he cared about was buying his pills. He pawned my wedding ring for pill money, borrowed thousands of dollars from family. He would fall asleep randomly through out the day.. While i was at work he would keep his 9 yr old son home from school to watch the baby. We got evicted because he didnt pay the bills. I had to pawn things just to feed my kids. I felt I was just there to be the house keeper and take care of the 3 kids. Not to mention wait on him hand and foot. Rarely he got out of bed. Always sleeping. Finally I told he was to go to rehab or I was leaving. He went but after he got back I was still having to do everything for everyone and still work a full time job and try to find time to study. So me and my daughter left. After a month of being gone, SRS was called on the other two kids for truancy. He got evicted from that house too, so i let him come stay in my spare bedroom. He wanted me back so was he was doing stuff, cleaning and helping with our daughter. Shortly after he moved in i lost my job so I was relying on him to pay bills. He told me if I didn't get back with him he was moving out and I had to figure out how to survive. So I felt I had to. Now we're "back together" and he's sober. But he doesn't do anything to help me. I'm taking care of all three kids. Giving him his food in bed. He's sleeping or watching movies. He never helps. I feel like this depression I'm in is affecting my parenting because I'm always so tired and mad that I have no help. I feel the only way I can be happy is divorce, but I don't want to walk out on the older two because their mom is a meth addict and she isn't in the picture really. Im so lost.
kaypeee kaypeee 22-25, F 3 Responses Jun 18, 2012

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I am a proponent of marriage and think the vows you make with eachother should be taken very seriously. However, the way you describe your situation, I'd have to say leave him. No if, and, or buts! Of course it's always easier said than done. I'm dealing with my own man issues and should probably listen to my own advice ;-) but it's hard when your heart doesn't want to give up on a person.

Hang in there and keep your mind open! The answers will come.

Just to clarify...if you leave him, it doesn't necessarily have to be forever. Maybe you could do a trial separation and give him a list stating the things he needs to change before you'll accept him back then give him time to prove whether he truly loves you. If you don't see the proof...then it's time to move on!

I try so hard to keep it together. And not be another statistic for divorce, but at the same time.. I feel like what's the point in staying in this marriage when I'm miserable all the time. When I was "single", I was actually happy. I can't have friends when I'm with him. I sit at home all day and take care of 4 people. Or I could be single and take care of 1. I just hate hurting people's feelings so I just stay and be miserable.

Also, he lost every dollar we had last month ($5,000) gambling.. In one night.