Still Here...

I use to wake up happy and thanking God for my husband. Now I wake up and my first thought is "Oh..." followed by the painful reminder of what he did. At least he's back in the house now. We start counseling on Tuesday. He seems to think it going to be some magic pill for restoring what we have lost. My friends and family think I'm a fool. I myself feel low and worthless. We have only been married seven months. Part of me wish I were strong enough to cut my loses. The other part still loves him but also struggles with the details I read in the emails I found with explicit details of his affairs with multiple women. He sent money, gifts, took trips, etc. He told one woman she gives him a "reason to live." I thought I was suppose to be his reason to live. How do I make the pain go away?
Brokenbride Brokenbride
36-40, F
1 Response Dec 2, 2012

My heart goes out to you. I couldn't even imagine the feeling. My wife cheated on me a few times over the years and they were alcohol fueled while we were apart. So to read that your husband was carrying on affairs and lying makes my skin crawl. They only way I feel you should stay in this marriage is if he truly loves you and that may mean willing to let him go if need be. Giving someone a second chance is one thing but letting them walk all over you is another. I encourage you to take a look in the mirror and ask yourself "Do I love myself?" If you cannot see yourself being able to walk away from this marriage and move on than you probably shouldn't be with him. Find strength in yourself to have pride for who you are and who you choose to be (especially during these trying times).
Why did he do all this, if he cannot figure that out than I'm not sure things will work. My wife is working on the issues that cause her to act out sexually when drunk and I'm willing to support her as long as she makes efforts. I know you want to be with him but the question is does he truly feel the same way.
Just be strong and hold your head up, if you show determination and strength he may just see the woman he wants to be with. Much love to you in these troubling times.