How the Hell Did This Happen???????

In early 2007 I met this amazing, vibrant, fun girl. We met through mutual friends and hit it off like a rocket. We fell hard for each other and she moved half way across the state to be with me. I think this started it all on a downward trend....but I was too blind to see.

I was new to the city myself, and worked from home, so our friend base was small. I expected this social butterfly to get out there and meet new people, join dance groups, work for chair ties, like she did when we were in Dallas. This girl was the life of the party, and it seemed like the move with me shut off a switch.

We got engaged shortly after, and she tried to leave a few times when we had big fights. Her family and friends assured me this was her fight or flight response from a past abusive relationship...so i held her when she cried and fought....rarely raised my voice(i'm a very level person anyway). We had an up and down few months leading up to the wedding, but I wrote it off as stress and my travel for work.

We had a great wedding, then she had a meltdown on the honeymoon and almost flew home. We got back and started life...found out she was prego. I bought her the big house she wanted, and we settled in. She had our daughter in mid-2008 and our relationship just got worse. I put it up to post-partum, and we talked through many things, but it never really got resolved. My daughter is the center of my world, and I would have left this long ago if not for her. I grew up in a single-parent family...and I'm very happy and independent, but I said I wouldn't do that to my kiddos.

At the end of the year, my company said "We are cutting everyone's salary take a $14,000 pay cut or you're outta here." We needed insurance and the job market was crappy, so I took the cut and told my wife she was going to have to go back to work. She has a BA in the medical field and is very good at what she does. I really and truly think that since I told her she had to go back to work, she HATES me. I try to talk to her and I get one word responses. I try to work through stuff and she shuts down. We haven't had sex in over a month. She hardly touches me, and that hurts the most. I'm a big strong guy, but I like nothing more than to hold somebody I love, and so it hurts when you get pushed away.

I'm so lost, we talked about separation, but the topic just died. I don't want this anymore, I'm not happy, she's not happy. The smile on my little girls face is the only thing that brings me joy and keeps me going right now.

txrugby2003 txrugby2003
22-25, M
3 Responses Mar 11, 2009

I am so sorry to hear the unhappiness in your story. You truly sound lke the type of husband and father any woman would want, and I commend you for deciding to try to work with her and for wanting to stay with your daughter. Just remember that you deserve happiness too. And that your daughter will begin to recognize the stress and tension in the house very soon. Kids are much more perceptive than we think, and sometimes growing up with divorced parents can be infinately better then growing up in an unhappy household.

Dude, times are tough she needs to realize this, she's acting bipolar..a term thrown around a lot these days....good luck to you...I am losing my relationship after 16 years....it doesn't get easier...you'll work it out...have faith pray and work with her...my wife not only won't let me touch her, she acts like I am a pariah..worthy of all the scorn she can muster.....and I am getting tired of being treated like garbage..I too am a big strong guy...weak as a kitten inside though..my child is 14...and she said today that I was a really good dad...wow...after spending most of my free time with him coaching him for seven years in baseball...she finally notices this?...I drive him to school every day, play drums while he plays guitar..help him study..and she has this sudden revelation!......amazing how selective some people can be...but I am an awful husband however..bought and sold four houses. bought a vacation cabin for us...worked long hours for all of it...gave us financial security...but I am a DOG....a disgrace because a month ago we had an argument and I pushed her....and broke a chain she was wearing...no amount of apology, nothing will budge her attitude....she's just plain cold...what I did was very wrong, what she is doing is infinitely worse, I believe in God..strongly....maybe you can watch "fireproof " a great movie...I did and it made me feel hopeful...try it out

Sounds like a huge communication breakdown! Have you guys tried counseling? I know sometimes it seems like the easiest way to just walk, but obviously there is underlying stuff there that has not been spoken. If you keep sweeping it under the rug or just walk away without a fight to save your marriage, you will regret it.<br />
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None of us are mind readers. See if you can get her to go to therapy or counseling.<br />
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Best wishes