Only One Thought of Many!

I was just taking the poll for this group.  It asked what was keeping me from making my decision, and then it gave numerous choices

  • fear - YES - of the unknown - there are no guarantees of happiness no matter what I decide; there are no guarantees that my children will survive this in a happy, healthy way; there are no guarantees - it is all unknown!!  (and the changes that are inevitable are just as scary!)
  • financial - YES - everything will probably have to change including moving, vehicles, schools, etc.... plus the cost of a divorce ain't cheap even if it is amicable.
  • Still in Love - NO - the only NO on the list - I am not in love with him anymore - too much hurt, pushing aside, pushing away, discounting my opinion and a total unawareness of who I really am!
  • children - YES - this needs no explanation, I think.
  • family - YES - well, my mom has gone looney tunes on me from the stress, so now the person that I used to talk to the most is not talking to me at all.  I can tell that my brother will not be happy about this.  I believe that most of my family, if not all, is extremely against divorce and basically has the mind-set of suck it up!
  • friends - I have great friends, but the few that know anything about any of this, they would prefer that we stay married - and I don't see how the relationships can NOT change when most of my friends are friends with us as couples!  I also notice that everyone has an opinion on this matter - a strong opinion!

Anyway, these are my roadblocks - these are my fears - these are the things racing through my head almost 24/7!


Indecisiontime Indecisiontime
41-45, F
6 Responses May 6, 2009

Dear Inde: I moved out of marriage similar to yours 8 months ago. Last night my husband and I after being apart all that time decided we should go our separate ways. I too suffered and still suffer from all your fears, minus the children (don't have those).<br />
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No matter how you slice it, if you stay you suffer and if you leave you suffer. In the end, FK everyone else. They don't live your life. It took me years to figure that one out. No one will ever know the real story, the pain or how much you sacrificed over the years. It's not their business any way.<br />
<br />
You don't have to suffer for anyone. Will you be alone, maybe, but you certainly don't have to be. When you are ready you can seek potential partners, companions or whatever you choose. Today, there are many options for single people, as long as you are careful. Even EP has hooked many a couple up. . . LOL<br />
<br />
If you would like to reach out, feel free. Remember, it's your life and you only get one shot at it. <br />
Love and hugs,<br />

MB72 - thanks for breaking down a bit more. You are so right about fear - another fear that I did not mention and I HATE to mention because I think it makes me sound weak or immature - I fear being alone.<br />
<br />
As for the kids - this is the clencher also. Right now, we have fought in front of them maybe 4 times since last June - the last time was mostly me (and I found out some medication I was taking was known to cause severe mood swings! What a difference go off of those has made!). I have said from the beginning that if I started to see the kids suffering more from staying than they would from going - that will be the deal breaker.<br />
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BUT - we get back to me - and not to sound selfish or self-centered - I am not happy where I am right now and I am keeping that in consideration also because if "Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" LOL BUT SO TRUE!

I don't know ... <br />
Fear of the unknown - nothing is known, and things change. Nothing is guaranteed. <br />
<br />
Financial / friends - you can work those out. <br />
<br />
Kids - this is one that hit home for me. IF you are fighting more in front of them - do you really want the kids to experience that?? <br />
<br />
Only you know what the answer is - no one can tell you. <br />
But - talk to your hubby.

And now that I see your age - wow, awfully wise at such a young age - I hope you have already learned these lessons - they are biggies and will benefit you throughout your life!!

Thanks BrokenGirl - you are right about the decision being right for me - I am so conflicted right now - and I am seeing a counselor for allowing other people's opinions to control me - that and many other people-pleasing related issues! Thanks again!!

whatever desicion you maake, it has to be right for you for anyone else to benifit from iyt aswell. your children are obviously your priority. other poeple's opinions are hard but u cant let that control you all the time. good luck x