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I Need to Decide If I Will Stay In My Marriage.
A personal story in the experience: I Need to Decide If I'll Stay In My Marriage
Oct 21st, 2007
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I
really don't know if I love my husband or not. I wonder if I am only in this marriage so that I do not have to be alone or for the health benefits. I do not have any type of intimacies of any type. He got out of the military recently and is going to school in a different state. He comes to visit me once a month. He was in the military for twenty years so he has lifetime health benefits and since I have been married to him for fifteen of those years ( most of which I have been separated from him ) so that If I stay with him for five more years I can retain. Is it selfish of me to feel this way. He has been abusive during that time. He wants to start over. I don't know if I have the courage to actually leave him. He doesn't understand my health problems. I suffer post Traumatic stress disorder ( from losing my son ), agoraphobia, severe depression and panic attacks. 
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  | Posted Nov 11th, 2007 at 1:57PM He came in this weekend and took me out to eat since Tuesday is my birthday. It was sweet of him but I didn't feel the same way as I once did. I have honestly been ill with kidney problems so I used it as an excuse for not reacting the way he wanted me to. I just don't know anymore if it is the depression or if I have changed so much. I know that he has put me through so much unessasary pain.   |
 | Posted Dec 12th, 2007 at 2:14PM Syntechnik-I hear you! I think as we age---we change so much-we realize what we want, need, desire-the whole gamut! And once we "lose" that feeling for the spouse-it is almost impossible to get it back--you berated--have nasty comments made to you--then they think it's over-things should be back to normal or fine? Hello??? Doesn't work that way---my feelings are---don't say it if you don't mean it because once it's past your lips---you can't take it back! I believe there are allot of us in unfulflling relationships-more than we care to imagine! No---I know there are! +3 nods |
| Posted Dec 24th, 2007 at 12:09AM I talked to my husband tonight and he was upset because since I am here in the same town I haven't stayed the night with him. My parents are both in such bad health that I chose to stay with them through the holidays. I return home Thursday. My husband is coming with me back to Shreveport for the weekend. My Mom has Multiple Myeloma (an incurable cancer) and my Dad goes to dialysis three days a week. Mom is not doing so well. She is in so much pain. She is about to go through stem cell transplant. It is a last resort to give her one to two years longer to live. Needless to say my thoughts are with them more than with my husband. He is being so nasty about my wanting to be near my Mom. |
 | Posted Dec 28th, 2007 at 6:27AM Its a shame, and it is not fair that the man you love treats you unfairly, i am sorry to hear that you are in a unfulfilling marriage with a man who fail to realize that he have a sick wife. I truly emphasise with you and feel you pain. I hope things brighten up and he come to his senses. |
| Posted Jan 15th, 2008 at 1:31PM Thank you Kenya. I will be moving in with my parents next month. My husband is in school in Houston as well. He doesn't understand that I NEED to be there with my Mom. I will be taking care of both her and my Step-dad. He told me that it is always about my family and what I want. I told him that he can either be supportive of this or he can decide not to be in this relationship. He is very angry that I have made my decision and am sticking to it. |
 | Posted Jan 31st, 2008 at 9:59AM syntechnik This that your going threw,I went threw this also when my mother had cancer and was dieing.I know what your going threw.You need to be with your parents.You need to be there for your mom at all costs!I said to myself if when my mother died did i want to live with the fact that i didnt try my best to help her and be there for her!I put my family,kids and everything behind my mother.Im glad i did because i know dont deep i did everything in the woorld i could to make earth a great place till she was gone!I now have no regrets! |
| Posted Feb 6th, 2008 at 6:34PM Thank you wildjeep, this is exactly how I feel. I love my Mom so much and I do want to be with her until the end. |
 | Posted Feb 12th, 2008 at 7:13PM I'm also in a marriage for the benefits....am retiring in 10 years, was a single mom and did not save for retirement. I have been married for 5 years,he's a government employee and I have to be married to him for 10 years to get all his retirement benefits - I'm 1/2 way there. After putting up with his crap, he owes this to me, and as soon as I start collecting.....I am leaving. |
| Posted Mar 10th, 2008 at 2:55PM He is giving me static because he says that I always put my family before him. What about his family? I told him now is not the time to start fighting with me. I have too much on my plate. He starts up whenever he sees me. I feel so frustrated! |
Feeling blank | Posted Jun 26th, 2008 at 7:14AM i know how you feel. It kills me that they really and truly expect us to chose. But that is what happens when we dont marry our compliment. someone who will understand, someone who thinks and feels like us. I would definitley be there for my mother. Thank goodness he is not there with you everyday. he can ***** and moan from a distance all he wants but he cant tie you down and keep you from going. Do what will make you sleep better at night because only you have to live with your deciscions. best of luck and well wishes to you. |
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