I Need to Decide If I Will Stay In My Marriage.
I really don't know if I love my husband or not. I wonder if I am only in this marriage so that I do not have to be alone or for the health benefits. I do not have any type of intimacies of any type. He got out of the military recently and is going to school in a different state. He comes to visit me once a month. He was in the military for twenty years so he has lifetime health benefits and since I have been married to him for fifteen of those years ( most of which I have been separated from him ) so that If I stay with him for five more years I can retain. Is it selfish of me to feel this way. He has been abusive during that time. He wants to start over. I don't know if I have the courage to actually leave him. He doesn't understand my health problems. I suffer post Traumatic stress disorder ( from losing my son ), agoraphobia, severe depression and panic attacks.