So Confused.........

How do I stay in a marriage with a Verbal Abuser and listen to it day after day?  I am so tired of being called ugly names, being accused of having affairs, giving my son too much attention, etc.....If I want him to leave he will fight for aalimony..He has two ex wifes that are dead - one committed suicide, the other was an alcohoic and had a head on crash one day.  Now he makes statements that only if I die will my son become self reliant and not be a mommys boy.  He can be sooo hateful.   Each day gets harder and harder to deal with him and all of his crap!  Enough is enough.  We dont even share a bed together anymore.  BUT he still wont leave......He refuses to do anything but sleep until 11am and then goes and lists things on ebay until 4am.......I get up for work at 5:30am and dont see him.  He refuses to make things any better unless I kick my son out because he hates him.....Whaat do I do??  Confused
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17 Responses Nov 10, 2007

Leave him, I believe it is hard for him to leave because he want a place to live and want to kick you to the curb, but that is bad, it even sound and come out bad, I would leave, that is enough to drive any women insane.

leave him, find someone to love you, hold you, cherish you

OMG!! "I'm good" .. I'm good" think I'll stay single " run .. Run.. Run..

Leave as quickly as possible even if you chose him over son it would not stop

I can understand your confusion. Living with someone who constantly abuses us emotionally is extremely draining and there is a point where we are so destroyed and have such low self-esteem that we can not see any real options. I think that you have to get to the point where you are committed to having a life where you respect yourself and honour yourself sufficiently to let go and get this man out of your life. He is not doing you one scrap of good. My suggestion to you, having been in one very abusive relationship that almost cost me my life, is to get some therapy so that you can see what is going on for you and can work with the therapist to get free and to learn to value your own life sufficiently that you will no longer tolerate such abuse from your husband or any other human being. If you do not commit to this, your situation will not get better on its own and you will become further and further submerged into further destruction of your life and more unhappiness. You mention that his two previous wives are dead. Might I share with you that there are only 4 ways to escape a narcissistic relationship. The first is to reach the end of your tolerance of his behaviour, say 'enough is enough' and leave him. The second way is that he will discard you. The third way is that you will develop a life-threatening illness from which you will die. The fourth way is that he will continue to dismantle you in every which way until there is nothing of you left except an empty shell and you will commit suicide. The best scenario is to realise that you have had enough and leave before it gets worse so that you suffer irreparable damage, by which time it will be too late for you to have an enjoyable life. Leave now while you are still somewhat intact and reaching out for help from this community.

Ok...? Now, 10 months later how is everything?

Nothing gives him the right to treat you this way.... he is just doing it because it puts him in power.. Don't let him.. Stand tall and proud and let him know you will not take his crap.. Get a lawyer and file... He can threaten you all he wants.. They are only threats...

My word, I am very scared for your safety. I hope you are able to get the help you need--maybe a women's shelter etc. It may not be a coincidence that his two ex-wives are both dead. Get out before you become the third!!

Completely off topic that Sharpei dog is so cute. Is he/she your puppy?

Hi Sharpei:<br />
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How did it all end up? Did you get the divorce? I think he's just trying to control you... That makes me sad. He should just try to be his own person and show you some respect

I agree with everyone else. also that house was purchased by your ex and you. Talk to a lawyer but since it was purchased before yuur marriage I don't think you have anything to worry about on the house issue. Also file for divorce and have HIM removed. If you can have the local police there while he moves out.

kick him out. As a single mom of a son, NO ONE was allowed to stand in the way of my raising him. Kick this jerk out and your son will be better off

kick him out. As a single mom of a son, NO ONE was allowed to stand in the way of my raising him. Kick this jerk out and your son will be better off

First off you never pick a man over your kids!" your kids should alway come first"If you is so mean,get out of there and dont listen to him!First off its very hard for a man to get aalimony!The only way you get aalimony is if your really rich.Hes pulling your leg!If he cuts you down in front of your child,that is reason enough to get the hell out of dodge.

Get help, go see a counselor, if that do not work get a public defender. If you feel that he might harm you or your child go to a woman shelter or just leave. It is not right for a woman to go through that much verbal or mental abuse. i pray for you and wish you good luck, i would get out.

Talk to a lawyer before doing anything else.<br />
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This guy have more problems that you are mentioning.<br />
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Talk to a lawyer, and get this guy out of your life.<br />
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I would recommend a restraining order the day he leaves the residence also. Good luck.

Sharpei,<br />
I was in a verbal and physically abusive relationship with my ex. He made me feel like I could not survive without him and it would be easier to stay. I chose for my daughter's sake to leave. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I had no money, no job, and no clue what to do. I had him arrested and served a PFA order against him. I went on welfare and food stamps and got a nanny job where I could take my daughter with me. It was difficult. But, I do not regret it. Do it for yourself. Leave before it gets any worse. I fear for your safety.