When Is It Enogh?!

I've been apart of this board on and off for several yrs now and unfortunately nothing has changed, except that I have finally sought out a therapist who literally thinks my husband is an absolute idiot! I have listed my story here and you can find it on my profile I believe, so I won't get into the whole story again, but basically I'll sum it up. I've lived in a "Sexless" or "Sexual Dysfunctional" marriage for over 4 yrs now and nothing will ever change! When I say "Sexual Dysfunctional" what I mean is, when we do have sex on occasion its unfufilling, no emphasis on pleasing me what so ever. Now, granted when you go so long without sex yes there are times when you just want to skip the foreplay and go right to it! However what has always had me perplexed with my husband, (other than the lack of sex) is the lack of desire to please me and bring me to my climax! The sex we have lasts basically 1 min if I'm lucky! So, dealing with that, then there is the constant fighting with my anger towards him and all the pent up frustration thats been building for years! How does one deal with that? I sleep in the other room, which I really enjoy now, but how do you deal with everything else? The only time when we ever really communicate is when we are either drinking, or we have our days when we don't want to fight and we pretend to have "normalcy" which is so far from the truth! Its like being roomates with the occasional "loneliness" that causes one of us to cave in and we have a "romantic" encounter only to go back to the same pathetic way things were before! So, when does it ever end?!



My therapist calls my situation a "Temporary problem" only because I have 2 small children and leaving now would be very difficult. So, what do I do in the meantime? Thought about having an affair, but would that solve anything or complicate things for me? I do have an interested party which I teeter back and fourth with the idea, but i just am unsure. My therapist said if I'm going to have an affair I need to find someone who will care for me, one who will hold me afterwards instead of it being just about "sex." However he says, and I agree, that if I find that person, I'm the type to fall in love which will present all kinds of bigger problems at this time. Right now we are snowed in and I'm reminded of just how much I loath him! He hasn't appreciated me in years and I am absolutely tired of it! I want more and deserve better! This marriage is like being stuck in an never ending nightmare that can't wake up from and its killing me. Too much anger has built up to ever be the same! The love (if it was ever there) is way gone!

So, until I can leave what do I do in the meantime?!

sexdeprived sexdeprived
31-35, F
3 Responses Feb 11, 2010

You have the right to be happy. Never give that right away. It took me 13 years to hit the limit in my marriage. And the kids can likely sense that mom is unhappy. Don't be afraid to decide that you have to make a choice for you.<br />
<br />
Good luck

I responded to you over on the sexless marriage board.

Hey SD,<br />
I am in a similar boat in that I stay because of the kids. I wish I had an answer for you. In the end, you have to do what you think will work. But one conclusion I have come to is this: You have the right to be happy!