My 10 Year Marriage Was Over The Day I Met Him....two Kids Three Affairs Later....

Three marriage counselors.  Two personal therpists.  Two kids.  I really loved him at first, but he didn't return the love.  I have been totally ignored in my marriage, and of course the sex vanished years and years ago.  I know EXACTLY when I conceived both of my kids.  I am sure (although no proof) that he has had affairs.....the early email flirty stuff before kids....but i know who i am and have acutally just met mr. hugely right but he's also married w/ kids so it will never be.  however, i'm ready to pull the plug now. i'm tired of fighting. is it really me that can't learn to love myself or did i marry the wrong man.  he looked so good on paper and still does (he is a great father) but really we are just way too much alike to ever really get along and EVER be intimate again.  i'm just a different person now that i was and think that marriage is NOT at all required anymore to raise great, well rounded kids.  we both are products of divorce (go figure).  but, i think our kids will be happier in the long run.  i vow to never re-marry.  am i naive?  should i get out?  it will be so hard either way.  i just lost both of my grandparents who had been married 60 years....does that happen anymore and are they "happier" than the rest of the world?  anyone know about the Richard Swartz model?

hiyaa2010 hiyaa2010
31-35
1 Response Feb 24, 2010

"think that marriage is NOT at all required anymore to raise great, well rounded kids."<br />
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I think it takes two people together to show them the model.<br />
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"we both are products of divorce (go figure)."<br />
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Which looks like you are saying neither of you had that model.<br />
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"but, i think our kids will be happier in the long run."<br />
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Maybe maybe not. How old are they? Do they sit through you and husband fighting? Lots of abuse etc?<br />
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"i vow to never re-marry."<br />
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stupid vow. vow to be more cautious. vow to ask questions? vow to ask who you are marrying and NOT think you are going to fix-change-etc. <br />
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" am i naive?"<br />
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Yes. You think marriage is about love and it is not it is business about setting up a house, raising children etc. Making a love marriage work is twice as hard as a regular one.<br />
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You also married too young. They should probably pass a law but then divorce lawyers would starve and the BWM market would go to help, not to mention those therapist!<br />
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"should i get out? it will be so hard either way."<br />
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I assume you HAVE talked this out with husband during therapy.<br />
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What does he say? want/don't want divorce?<br />
Have you talked with the kids?<br />
I am assuming the three affairs are yours?<br />
How about you, your husband, Hugely Mr. Right (who is talking to you because apparently he is NOT married to Mrs Hugely Right), and Mrs right all getting together and seeing if you can work something out. You might need a few more in the mix before everyone has what they need, and then you need a really big house so kids get to live with you, dad, Hugely, et al in blissful harmony.