My Marriage Is A Silent Marriage.......

i have been married for 18 years i have three wonderful children,,, 17,, 12, and 6//// my husband is arab and muslim... although it was not an issue when i married him i have come to realize that maybe its an issue now.... i realize that he married me for a green card..... i did not think that at the time i married him i thought he was in love with me come to realize he wasnt .... im saddened to know that he gave up finding someone he could truly make a life with that shared his beliefs and traditions... im hispanic not arab.... he needed to return to this country and to stay here and that is what i was able to do for him... although if truth be told i did not marry him because i was in love with him i married him becuase i needed to distance myself from an abusive relationship and the only way i thought i could was to marry my husband.... off and on we have had good times... visiting his country his parents and family even currently in our house.... our children are a source of joy for both of us ... We do not however go out to movies or dinner or anywhere alone.... he wont leave my 17 year old daughter with our sons so we can enjoy some time away.... even when my mother takes the boys he makes other plans that do not include me... i am always hurt by this but have learned to accept it... that is what my marriage has become  acceptable.... when he gets mad at me he wont talk to me... he wont accept his meals from me wont even look at me... i sleep downstairs in the guest bedroom im soooo tired of this situation it always happens he'll be nice then he gets mad and its a viscious cycle  im seriously thinking of divorce... but i dont have a job or means of supporting myself i cook,,  clean, wash, iron his clothes always have the house spotless.... help my children with homework... volunteer in my kids classrooms.... i bake cakes so he can take them to the mosque on fridays... i have my faults too dont get me wrong .... but  im at my wits ends i cannot keep feeling like im the loneliest person in the planet i make up a happy family life in my mind.... someitmes i greet myself when he comes home from work and say  """ hi honey how was your day"""" and i answer myself .... but the reality is that he doesnt even acknowledge me when he walks thru the door.... i talk outloud during the day when the kids are in school and i pretend he called me to see how i am but the reality is he never does.... i have never written this before and im crying now... we were both wrong to have gottne married without love...i grew to love him ... apparently he did not....

planetlonely planetlonely
41-45, F
2 Responses Mar 9, 2010

I am sorry you both are hurting inside so deeply. Being unloved is so hard at times as you feel so alone. But as you see you are not if you read everyone's messages there are many of us all wanting and needing someone to love us. Planetlonely when you as a family were in his country around his parents and family how did he treat you then may I ask? Did he still ignore you and treat you like you were nothing at all? That would get to me to for sure. <br />
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Sopainfull things will not change at all with him he is not going to change its you that has to change and decide when you have had enough and get out of a loveless marriage that is not good for any of you. YOU your husband or your kids. <br />
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I wish you both luck in finding away out soon. Remember there are womens shelters if you need them for help, a place to stay and support. They are a phone call away.

speechless!! it was like i was ready my life no and what was to come! i have only been married for 4yrs now but everything that you have mentioned has happened, from sharing diff bedrooms to him not having grown to love me.<br />
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we are also from to different cultures (in south africa), i really wonder why he asked me to marrying him he could have just taken someone from his own culture, maybe he would have been more fullfilled?!?!? <br />
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i would like to asked you just one question why have you not left him, i think i am still here not only because i hope one day things will change but because his a good dad?!?<br />
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hope to hear from you as i really need someone to talk to :-(