Same **** different day. No wonder I'm becoming so bitter. Day in and day out. Routine. Disappointment. Depression. It's all bullshit. Everyone and everything is so fake. One sole reason I stay grounded anymore is my son and that's it. A sexless routine marriage. Nothing's ever good enough. Nobody listens. Sure some may hear, but no one listens. This restlessness is going to get the best of me. Tired of being the supporting to pillar to all those around me. My shoulders are strong and big, but there's only so much I can take. Nobody knows the half of it. I'm stewing, stirring, shifting waiting. For what? Where the hell did my momentum go? The motivation is gone. I have never been selfish. I have always put others before me. I'm at a loss. I am completely alone, surrounded by needs of others. Stop, look deep into my eyes, can't you see that the spirit is dissipating swiftly? I've aged well beyond my years. I want to run, but not abandon, I don't want to feel guilt for simply needing a moment to breathe. So much easier said than done. The resentment towards everything is building. It's not healthy for anyone. Ultimately I will push back. Remove this weight I feel. This constriction. I'm an average joe I guess, and if its that's the case then how in the hell do all the others cope with this monotony? I'm a basket case. Though this is not my fault. I was dealt this hand by others throughout life. Being a passive pushover has created a caged beast, so I guess it is my fault. I'm in a hole, I cannot climb out of. Is this really how it's going to be? This one way track until my demise? This bland gloomy restless road. Damn. Happiness I am in pursuit of indeed but at what cost and in what amount of time. What sacrifices? At a loss.