New Baby, New Cage
I was happy once and adventurous. I wanted to see everything, do everything, meet everyone and live in the exotic places in the U.S. I never wanted to settle in with an acre of land and wait for life to come to an end as I smiled through my disappointment and rocked in a recliner until the day I died.
I want to be somebody. I want to do something. I don't just want to whittle away my years seeing generation after generation born, grow up and forget about me.
My wife used to be the same way. Man, we had plans of moving to Hawaii and telling the mainland to go to hell. We were going to have a great life. We had to make some plans, which we did, and save some money, which we did. Then, we got pregnant. That's when it all went away.
Right now, we live in Nowheresville, USA. The population is full of idiots, thieves, charity cases and bums. We met here. This was one of our stops in order to get to the next place--away from the moronic masses and to somewhere that was worth waking up to. This is where I made my money. I wrote a novel and had started on several other writing projects that would be lucrative and give us that extra boost to be able to live out our dream.
We both attend college, having back-up plans for the day when my books are no longer interesting. (please don't ask for my titles. I want to remain anonymous.)
She said "Nothing will change. We'll have this baby and she'll be a part of our lives, not our entire lives." I was dumb enough to believe that. Fast forward to nine months later and my child was born. She is beautiful and she's cute and she's done nothing wrong. However, the minute she came out, the entire dream of a better life went right out the window.
My wife's nesting instinct kicked in, I guess, and now she doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything. Just sit back in this hole and wait for our daughter to grow up. She says "once she's grown, then we can get back on track." This, ladies and gentlemen is GARBAGE! I'm going to be in my late 40's by the time that kid grows up and I don't want to have to wait to live my life until I'm too old to care about it anymore.
I just want to get the hell out of here! We wanted to get the hell out of here once upon a time and now, I'm stuck. Promises, like most things have an expiration date and ours was the birth of our daughter.
Now, I want to appreciate my daughter and my wife, but it's becoming increasingly difficult to keep myself from resenting them. Everyday, I look at them both and think "Man, if I could have a do-over."
Yes, I know that sounds horrible. It sounds horrible to me too. I've tried to snap myself out of it, but I just can't. I'm completely and utterly depressed. I don't even look at my wife the same way anymore. It used to be that I couldn't keep my hands off of her. I was constantly kissing her, rubbing her back and telling her that I loved her. Now, I don't want to be anywhere near her. I just want to be left alone.
I have no time to write the sequel novels to my book any longer. When I get time, I get interrupted constantly by my wife for stupid little things that mean nothing. I think she does it on purpose. I could spend hours everyday playing with and holding my daughter and, yet, the one or two hours I ask for to get some work done, I am constantly being called into the living room, my wife is barging into the office for no reason, using the excuse "I was just looking for something.", or she starts this crying nonsense "you don't spend enough time with your daughter."
I remember being the "man of her dreams", but the moment that the baby was born, now I'm the male jerk who selfishly wants to complete his work after making a point to put his daughter as first priority, resulting in him staying up until 4AM just to get two chapters written. I think my wife does this because this is how Hollywood treats fathers (useless jerks who are only good for yelling at.), but this just adds to my need to get out of this situation.
I take responsibility for my daughter and I love her. I think I still love my wife, but she's made it very difficult for me to look at her with anything other than contempt. I don't know who told my wife that when a child is born, the parent's lives become meaningless and useless because she has begun to exist. I wasn't aware that dreams, hopes and ambitions were out of the question once you procreate.
Now, I know why my grandfather hated life so much.