The Worst I've Evr Been.

I need to escape. I was 19 just got my first car. I loved the freedom of driving around just getting away to anywhere. Anywhere but the pressure of being home. Insurance for me at the time was 280.00 a month. Needless to say that is alot and yes it was my lowest quot. So I lost my job and my insurance lasped right befor I had my first and only wreck. I was ordered by a judge to pay 20,000 in restitution in 6 months time. It was and still is IMPOSSIBLE. By the time the six months was up and I didn't have 20 grand to give them they through me in jail with no criminal record at all. Since then I have been working in fast food. Cant even afford my own place with the money I make.How ever I met Sarah there and she was and still is the most amazing person I've ever met. Every one has made mistakes in their life and she was only my second real relationship. My first relationship ended after a year cause she met a new guy on myspace. I turned a little jealous and controling. I just wish I could have met Sarah after I learned my leason from it but it seems too late cause she dont think I can change. I had the best intentions, I used to take her flowers to work all the time always gave her my attention and affection. I was never comfortable with her being around other guys, plus she used to lie to me compulsivly so so I was constanly scared she was going to leave, or that someone that is texting her phone has other interest in her than what she is thinking. Or even worse if she is thinking the same. I was so in love and I'm still in love with her a year after I've last seen her(wont talk to me). Ihave writin so much music exspressing how I feel about her. I used to be such a poet when I was younger, now I cant seem to write lyrics with any music I create. I just want to finish them so she can hear how I feel in a way that she will listen. And to me the music sounds good, but its like I'm kiddin myself. Me writin music that the world will want to listen to. I dont even know if I am capible. I hav hoped to make music as my way out, but it seems to be getting no where. So I got my Ged. Went to college for business administration. Finished one year and then the judge orderd my licence suspended so I couldn return to college, screwed all my plans up. So I cant have my licence back until I pay the 20,000 dollars. With what I make now paying every penny I can after living cost I can get my licence back in twenty years. ITS NOT EVEN WORTH TRYING!! I will be 45 befor I get my licence back?! I dont deserve this. And I want to finish college. Sarah is gone, my music has hit a dead end, I cant drive anywhere for twenty years,  the court is coming after me for the 20 grand, now sallie may is coming after me for 20 grand for tuition(would have it if I could of finished and everything just seems so hopeless. I need an escape but I dont think its to a place anywhere on this earth. I need an escape for my heart break, from my dissapointments, my failures. My hands are tied, feet cemented and the world is watching me drown  I just want to escape life