Time Changes People

As a child I knew I didn't belong, I was treated with so much abuse it is still hard to remember without tears and fears.
at 16 I was beaten so badly all because my Daddy thought my senior pictures were ugly, had nervous breakdown with that one. But that kind of thing does something to a young girl. I was married at 17 to get out of hell.
My next life took me to different places Germany was next, went to work in NCO club and when I would walk down to work every gi in every barracks would be hanging out the windows waiting for me. I went to work just crying and told my boss I can't work here they are laughing at me cause I am so ugly. But he said my presence was what was bringing em in every day. And he told me I was beautiful and that was what they were looking at. hehe me beautiful!!
It took a lot of therapy to overcome back then and face the truth.
When I was 35 the truth of who my real daddy was came out, and it was a mess but I had to meet him and talk to him and find out why he never came to get me. No answer was ever given but I was his princess for a little while.
All of it has left me scared never feeling that I am good enough, feeling distant from the ones I always loved who like to remind me I am not really who I am. was even a big deal about my birth name, the thing is I didn't have a thing to do with it, I was the result of it. I have asked my mom so many times why she didn't just abort me, she always says they didn't do that back then and she was to far along for the midwife to kill me...
but the happy ending is I found my peace and my place, you see God reached way down for this broken woman touched my face and said Carolyn I love you this much and stretched his arms out and died. So my home is with my Savior Christ Jesus and my family is real, no lies or deceit just love. 
mommaceitta mommaceitta
51-55, F
1 Response May 10, 2012

you are good enough! so glad you have found some peace...many blessings!