Not In The Stars

I've come to the conclusion that is just not going to happen for me.. so save some heartache and just give up. Without boring you with my life story it just going to be a reality check for myself that "nope" I'm not on that list. This is my second marriage and I've given it my all. My needs are nothing but problems for everyone else. No one will be able to give me the fullfillment I seek. I based my life on giving to others, caring for them, loving them the way I yearn to be loved.. but when it all comes down to it.. I'll never get what I've put out. That's not even how I want to say it but, I'm a good woman damn it and it's done. Kind words or encouragment could make me melt for days. When I was giving a kind word I freak out and get easily attached because it's something I don't get too much or at all lately. Often wonder what did I do so bad in earlier years that God has decided to punish me and allow my passion to be destroyed. Looking back, for the most part, I did good. Let's just say I did what a wife and mom should do. Now, kids are older, the old man doesn't want me bugging him..and I have nothing to feel worthwhile for. My marriage.. HA that's a laugh. Wish I could go back and choose a man who was supposed to be the one deserving of all I had to offer. Well I can't so guess I'll go finish my wine that I love and appreciate it's buzz it's given me. ;)
Calif39 Calif39
36-40, F
3 Responses Mar 15, 2012

first of all, God is not in the punishing business, or he would not die for our sins, and paid such a terrible price to rescue us, he did his part now we have to accept his wonderful forgiveness and things will get better.

cal, god is never punishing us if we hear the good news that is spreading the world, that he paid for all our sins, all our judgment and all our penalities. so we can be happy in this life, give jesus yourlife.

You should never give up what is life if your not living it? You sound Like a wonderful woman. What does you husband do is he away alot or just not passionate. I am a good hearted person so My heart always gos out to others when i read their stories and wish there was some way to make things better but all i can do is offer words of encouragement. You just have to take it for what it is worth. ; ) I am always here to listen.

Awww I really appreciate that. There are just some days when I need it. Thanks

We all do. ; )