ImperativeGod, yes. I not only need to be loved and appreciated, I need to feel it. It takes far too much energy to pretend that I don't. I can't go on feeling like this anymore. It's honestly killing me.
I have come to the truthful realization that I have never been truly close to anyone, most likely because of my childhood. I subconsciously disassociate with the idea that anyone could possibly genuinely care for me and stay with me. And thus, I live in my own mind, and people are like guest characters in my consciousness. They come and go as they please.
To top it off nicely, I am of the sort who especially yearns for connection... thus, multiplying the pain of reality. So, so, so much has been stolen from me.
What a f**king nightmare.