Does It Matter, What We Need?

ten years ago, maybe it would have made a difference. but I don't think all the love in the world could fix the hurt of a lifetime spent alone, suffering alone, always betrayed or spurned by the people I've managed to trust enough to reach out to. 

I've also come to realise that I'm the only person on the planet who gives any thought at all to what I or people around me need. Everyone else seems totally wrapped up in what they want, blind to the most simple and vital needs of those around them. Maybe, If I'd been loved at some point, if my most basic human emotional needs were being met, I could be as selfish. Because that's exactly what the world needs, another selfish, heartless soul.

I feel bitter, I feel angry and I feel alone. Who's going to love that? And why do I feel that? Because I've never been loved. The chicken came first. No, the egg did. No, it was the chicken. I'm telling you it was the egg. Chicken. Egg. CHICKEN! EGG!


Aat the end of the day, it doesn't matter, any more than what I need matters. I'm not loved, and nobody appreciates anything at all about me, and that's all that matters.

Musical Musical
36-40, M
5 Responses Jul 9, 2008

In retrospect I'd also like to add that you don't ever need to care about what others do or don't do for you. Life isn't about giving or taking, it's about producing. Find a creative pursuit and go after it with passion, screw the rest of the world.

I just want to say that this is not a matter of attitude and I know how you feel. I'm so angry and want to be vindicated because I was abandoned during the hardest times in my life. I'm really sorry and I hope you find the appreciation that you definetely deserve. You're brave to not have abandoned yourself in your time of need even when no one else was there for you.

oh great. a bunch of tweenies preaching to me about how it's my attitude that needs to change. I'm 36 years old, I've gone from having the positive, hopeful attitude, to fighting to keep a positive attitude, to holding out hope, to changing my attitude in spite of my circumstances, to maintaining a positive outlook in spite of there being nothing to indicate anything positive would ever happen, to just flat out having faith that the world isn't this ****** and people aren't all self centered, discriminatory slaves to body image, to finally having all the faith and hope beaten out of me by a lifetime of hurt and degradation of my spirit by people just like you. And do you know what I've been reduced to? Being happy within myself for little blessings that come from me, and from nature. A sunrise. An hour by a stream listening to the water flowing over stones. Going a whole day where nobody puts me down, blows me off or treats me like I'm mentally disabled. <br />
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I was meant to be in a wheelchair by the time I was 15. I don't walk very well, but I still walk. You know why? Because I'm a positive person, because I don't give up on myself, and because I don't let myself down or wallow in self pity. I put myself out there, and I put a smile on my face, but at the end of the day, I can't influence how people choose to treat me, nor can I find the strength to not let 36 years of being alone and shunned bother me any more. Sorry if you think that makes me a bad person, but I won't take you telling me it's my fault, or that it's me who has to change.

she's right, you have to change your way of thinking. your fr<x>ame of mind has an affect on how you appear to people. if you keep believeing people are that way your never going to let yourself see the beauty in anyone. there truely are some beautiful people in the world, who are selfless and who don't judge. take care of yourself.

READ what the man said. He did try for years to be positive. It was beaten out of him. Get it?

You will never feel love or appreciation till you change your thinking. When I first found out I was bipolar, I couldn't see any of the love around me. I had no gratitude for no one. It was only when I started talking about how I felt that those around me began to know what I was feeling and could start to help me see a better world. You are lonely, so go to the movies. You are lonely, so go for a walk or run. You are lonely, so go to the park. The main thing is to get up, get out and excerise. I promise you, after that first walk you will feel better. It works every time.

Have a re-read of what he says. He tried being all you suggest and socity crished his soul and hope. Why is it that people thing trotting out the usual self-help book platittudes is a real answer or genuine solution to people who have real tragedy (not temporary problems) but real tragedy such as disability. FACE IT society doles out different treatment depending on where a person is on the "beauty scale". Society consides you good looking then favours will follow aplenty. Not so good lookin - uh oh better get very rich or famous. Disabled - forget it.