Something is missing in my marriage. I love my husband more then anyone in this world. He has been my rock the past 9 years we have been together, but something is just not there.

He doesn't listen to me. I've told him how important it is for me to get a card on my birthday or anniversary. My birthday just passed, and no card. This kids didn't even know it was my birthday.

He doesn't take the time to send me flowers or show me that I am special to him. It makes me sad when I go on social media and see my friends posting great things that their husbands do or husbands saying how much they love their spouse. I've asked my husband to do this, but of course he doesn't.

He would give me his last penny, but I just want to feel special, and I simply don't.
jlopez1 jlopez1
31-35, F
9 Responses Nov 8, 2014

Spice it up and bring the honeymoon period back... Stick at it and make it work.

It's hard to know what people think about!! So better not to assume anything until you're sure... No one has a super ability to read your heart and your mind

Some men including my H find it hard to express their love,,, this same issue along with lack of sex has burdened me for years,,, my H would also give me his last penny infact it is easier for him to show he loves me by buying me something,,,, but I have started to address this and I feel we are on the right road to try get it right,,,,,

Happiness comes from within. Suggestion; next anniversary of any kind that you want to be recognized, do it for yourself. If it's a birthday, buy yourself a big cake and some presents, invite the kids and have a birthday party. If he doesn't get the massage, then it is something you will have to accept or leave him.

I like that. Thank you

Most welcome.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel special , but stop comparing things you see on Facebook with your marriage .
Your husband shouldn't have to jump through hoops to keep you happy . It's childish to think that .
Sometimes the ones who give all the gifts , do so , because they lack in other areas or have something to apologise for ! So don't take what you see on social media as the ideal love .

Unfortunately, men and women are wired differently. What I've noticed is that most women are more inclined to spend and create more bills, while most men are trying to save and pay off bills. A good man will focus all of his energy on providing for his family, tirelessly working, and serving his wife first before himself. It's a hard job, to be superman all of the time. Rescuing your spouse from her flat tires, and "little" accidents and incidents all of the time. Most men end up becoming their spouses savior and it becomes very draining.
On top of that, most wives with children turn all of their attention to their children when they become parents, totally leaving the husband out or disregarding the husbands input on many decisions. I'm not saying it's what's happening in your case, but it sounds like your husband isn't happy with something. He purposely doesn't make you feel special, because in his eyes you're not "special". If I were you, I would really look at the balance in my relationship, take an honest assessment of my priorities and put your husband first, after God. Your kids should come after your relationship in this order: God, Husband, kids.
If you show your man the type of love and affection that he's seeking, he will never ever overlook your birthday again.

Most women do not spend all the money while their husbands pay the bills .
Most men do not have to rescue their wives from trouble .
Where did you get that rubbish from ? Lol

Experience

Wow . You must have been with many women !

No. I haven't. But I'm very observant.

I agree with a lot of what you said, but God always has to come first. My husband works long hours to provide for us, but something is missing on both ends. I think you went to far to tell me that he doesn't think I'm special. I think he does think I'm special, although he may lack in knowledge of showing me how. Thank you for your opinion

Then your answer is right in front of you. Your husband is tired.

God created the female to be the males helpmate. In many circumstances, I've seen women who refuse to be what their husbands need. Instead, I've seen these women forge their own paths, stubbornly trying to reverse the Divine Order of God. You'll never have a perfect marriage, if you and your husband don't make time for God, make time for love, communicate and compromise. Maybe there's a way for your husband not to work as much, so that he has the energy to make you feel special. You guys need to discuss it and see if you could potentially take some of financial burdens from his shoulders. Just a thought. "Weight and burdens in life are more easily managed by two."

You are just a troll @Truelove4me, go bother someone else. God created woman and man in his image. And that financial burden crap you are spewing is nonsense. I am a modern, Christian married woman bringing a fulltime wage into my household so there are equal 'burdens' on me also - thereby my husband can get off his *** and make me feel special by relieving some of my household chores 'burdens'. We are in the 21st century, I'm nobody's helpmate I'm his EQUAL.

" God created the female to be the males helpmate " ! ?
You have got to be joking !

Hey deshed03, sorry to offend you. Modernism is why so many marriages are on the rocks.

Lol . So , woman standing up for themselves instead of obeying has ruined marriage ?

This is Biblical for those who follow Christianity. The female was created to be the males helpmate. Yes, look it up.
Those who don't ascribe to this belief system are free to choose your own path. Good luck with that.
Read Genesis, it will help you understand my opinion.

The female was created to be the males helper. The female is supposed to submit to her husband, the husband is supposed to serve his wife.

The female is not supposed to lead or head the marriage, the male is. This is why so many marriages don't work, females have a major issue with the Divine Order of God. God never said you were not your husbands equal, He said this is My order.

Oh , and your wife won't play that game will she ?
Religion plays no role in my life what so ever . Never has . I have been with my husband for 28 years , married for 21 and I'm taking it that we are far more happy than you are . Maybe you should throw out your books .

Happiness ...

Peace to you and your 21 year marriage . I wish you and your spouse blessings and love.

Then move with the time Desha. Good luck with your relationship

Sorry mate I move with the times, it's people like you who require to live in the past is why many marriages are on the rocks !

And I never said that a woman shouldn't stand up for herself. Happiness, you said that. Men and women are equal, but inherently different. We each needs, but those needs are different. The key is trying to find a balance. Which means we both have to be heading the same direction from the start. You'll never arrive at your destination if you can't compromise on how to get there in the first place.
Couples get hung up on pride, and that's a major stumbling block for most couples.

Not for us . It's teamwork , always has been . No one is in charge . We are always heading in the same direction even if the path we choose may differ .

Standing up for yourself is not agreeing to obey . No one should obey .

That's your walk. I bid you peace on your journey. As I stated before, my doctrine is love. That's my choice and I'm happy with it.

Read: 1 Corinthians 13:4-13

That's what I aspire to live up to everyday.

I'm not reading it .
I am perfectly happy without it .

Okay happiness

Last thing, I think you misinterpreted the word "order" that I used one of my posts.

The Divine Order of God is God's template, handed down to mankind, to help us to have a better quality of life. When I used the word "order" you misinterpreted what I said to mean that God gives us orders that we must abide by or else. That's not God's doctrine at all. God provides a template "The Word of God" that we can choose to follow if we want. Those who choose to follow Christ, choose to use God's Word as their template, or way of life.
This doesn't mean that Christians don't go through the same hardships that non-Christians do. It simply means that we put our faith in God's Divine plan--His Order for our lives.

Order, simply means devoid of chaos. Where there is order, chaos cannot exist, and where there is chaos order cannot exist.

Christians aspire to live a life under God's authority. Notice I said, 'aspire'. Man is imperfect as I'm sure you've garnered during your lifetime, and prone to making poor decisions. God's Word helps the Christian make better decisions, by aligning humankind's truth, which is fallible, with God's truth which is absolute.

I hope you understand better what I was trying to convey.

In essence, God is love. He's not the boogie man. Those who choose Christ, choose love as our way of life.

This is directed to happiness:

Last thing, I think you misinterpreted the word "order" that I used one of my posts.

The Divine Order of God is God's template, handed down to mankind, to help us to have a better quality of life. When I used the word "order" you misinterpreted what I said to mean that God gives us orders that we must abide by or else. That's not God's doctrine at all. God provides a template "The Word of God" that we can choose to follow if we want. Those who choose to follow Christ, choose to use God's Word as their template, or way of life.
This doesn't mean that Christians don't go through the same hardships that non-Christians do. It simply means that we put our faith in God's Divine plan--His Order for our lives.

Order, simply means devoid of chaos. Where there is order, chaos cannot exist, and where there is chaos order cannot exist.

Christians aspire to live a life under God's authority. Notice I said, 'aspire'. Man is imperfect as I'm sure you've garnered during your lifetime, and prone to making poor decisions. God's Word helps the Christian make better decisions, by aligning humankind's truth, which is fallible, with God's truth which is absolute.

I hope you understand better what I was trying to convey.

In essence, God is love. He's not the boogie man. Those who choose Christ, choose love as our way of life.

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Same here, twice i complained that to my husband i told him im so jelous to other man who treated special their wife,he tried last valentines but still feel unloved till i asked if he still love me, then he told me his love doesnt the same as before. I think the best way to do is to show ur husband that u are treating urself special too or take care of urself / love urself. Coz loving him i forgot myself.

These are for you. Look at ur profile

Sorry for you. I rhink every woman needs to feel special. I am sure u are special woman too