I just found out my boyfriend's friends have been pressuring him into breaking up with me because I'm a "normie." When they are all hipster weirdos. And my boyfriend told them he will and then he told them he did so they think we aren't together anymore. Which he says was to avoid the situation but that makes me feel really really worthless. Like he says he loves me but does he really if he feels he has to lie about us?
TheBellaBubbles TheBellaBubbles
18-21, F
32 Responses Nov 19, 2014

Dumped him in January!

thats ****** up, you should be treated like a princess, loved by all

Dumped that ***** in January

good girl, you find a better man?

What is normal??

Like listens to the music that is popular on iTunes, or popular bands like Panic At The Disco, Rihanna, G-Eazy people who are mainstream. Does mainstream things: Dance, write. Has big dreams: Victoria Secret Model, Author, Youtuber.

Your bf is very immature. Sounds like he cares more about fitting in with his douche friends, than being a living bf. He better change his ways and stand up for you quickly or he will be searching for a new girl.

You deserve better, and you are far from a "normie". From what I have seen you are a thoughtful, intelligent, and ambitious young lady.

Don't worry, he sorta was in a rock and hard place, and he chose a way where he could keep both those guys and u, don't be mad at 'im, give 'im some time.

Okay ;p

Nope

I understand where you are coming from, and I understand him too. This by no terms is about how he feels about you, but instead is about how he feels about his friends. He would prefer to keep his bros and you, so he had to lie to do that. I would be pissed at his friends. What a bunch of ****-bundles.

Don't go out with an idiot because he will make become an idiot too! Lol

You are with a horrible person. Don't have any answers. Just be honest with yourself and go with your instincts.

It can be really hard (especially as a guy of his age - making an assumption here) to strike a balance between you and his friends, so I'm not sure you could say 'he doesn't love you'... but my question would be... 'does he love you enough?' I haven't met you but I am willing to bet that you are a pretty unique, incredible person and that you deserve someone who will return all the love that you have to give without worrying about what others think. I think 'airisfleeting' put it brilliantly when he said you deserve someone who would 'shout out to the world' that he is with you. It really comes down to how his actions make you feel and I have to say "worthless" isn't great. I think it would be worth having a talk with him and letting him know how you feel. If he's not willing to do something to improve that then I think you would need to think about how suitable he is for you. If he wants to try to keep this quiet from his friends it doesn't sound like a long-term strategy anyway. Bottom line - I think you deserve better, I think you can do better, I think you will do better.

We had a big conversation last night and I think he FINALLY sees how I feel. And I've even talked to some of his friends that are less jerky about it and they say that they've never heard any of his friends say they dislike me or hate me at all. And we both agreed that my bf overthinks things way to much. I think that he has trust issues because his Dad left him at a young age and is not in his life anymore.

That sounds very positive. I can see that you have taken some action to try to find out more and understand things. It sounds like you might be feeling better about things - that's the most important thing. It also sounds like you very aware of how past histories can influence people, you're obviously a very understanding person, I reckon he's lucky to have you.

Nooooooo - It shouldn't take a big conversation! Glad you spoke your piece but, over thinks things? While he was over thinking, why didn't it occur to him that he was hurting you? That it's not right to treat friends like garbage - ever. So many people have trust issues, so many people grew up without fathers, that doesn't make it right. Don't make excuses for him. I agree with whoever said you should be with someone who will shout it from the rooftops.

But sometimes it's hard to break away, and sometimes people seem to have to do a bit of back and forth and struggle first. And you're still young. If you're going to stick it out for now, be sure to pay attention and learn whatever lessons you can. Keep your eyes open so that when you're 28 you can make an excellent choice!

Over thinking is over thinking I guess. And I already had a conversation with him about certain thing like complimenting me more. It's not like I'm so vain that I have to have compliments though lol. It's just like I get them a lot more from other people than him.

We all need to feel loved and appreciated all of us. Even sometimes lonely old ladies get way too many cats, they aren't vain, they just need to feel like they have some value somewhere. I think you sound like a kind and loyal person, I don't even know you, but it's an honest compliment. If he values you, he should be full of them and happy to share them, because he wants to be part of a good relationship and he wants you to feel good. If he was in my living room right now, I'd shake my finger at him and tell him he's a very lucky guy and he'd better think about how lucky he is and show a little gratitude before his luck runs out. I hope you keep insisting on what's right!

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I talk too the people who care. .

Boy and girls in group clicks like this can do some really stupid stuff. I hate using that term "stupid" but its true. My oldest son graduated from high school last year and he got caught up in all of this crap. During his junior year a girl that is best friends with my girlfriend's daughter had huge crush on him and asked him to homecoming. He agreed and then proceeded to disrespect her at dance so he could look cool in front of his friends. His old man (ME) found out about it and was one of the few instances of our lives where I got really upset with him. Of course he just dismissed the whole episode like he knew better and whatnot. Now he is regretting such behavior. As you may be aware kids at this age are still finding themselves and friendships are critical. Sometimes the effort to fit in can cause them to say or do things to solidify them in their clicks.

I don't think that high school friendships are all that important, and as soon as I had to start trying to be like them I stopped hanging out with them. My bf and I go to different schools in the same district at his school they still have the stupid popular and unpopular kids groups but my school doesn't have those at all. There are friend groups but no one is mean about it. The only thing that splits people apart in my school is the Mormon kids and the not Mormon kids (me)

Haaaaa hipster weirdos,,,,kick their asss

I think you deserve better . Am older but the same rules apply if he loves you and respects you je needs to tell his friends that ur his type of girl and they need to deal with that . He should be proud of you ur stunning .

I have to be honest. If he can be pressured by his friends, he doesn't deserve you.

But if he's lying to them, perhaps you mean more to him than you think.

Don't worry about what his friends think. You're not with them.

Doesn't sound like it. Why can't he man up and tell his friends to go scratch, if he is truly in love with you, he wouldn't hide it and lie about it. Shame on him.

Girl, you are better off with someone who is going to be proud of you! Dump him, you deserve better.

He basically chose their opinion of him over your feelings

He didn't really ask me my feelings he wasn't even going to tell me that he told his friends that.

How would you react if your friends belittled the one you loved? Would you defend him or agree with them in public and then meet up with him in hiding as if he was your dirty little secret?

If you guys really care for each other then you are supposed to be his queen and defend you as such.
Take care

It's not really like that. His closer friends know. And we don't go to the same school so I have only met with and skype chatted with his friends a few time. Most of the are d holes. And I even introduced one of British friends to his group of friends over Skype and they mocked his accent and made fun of him.

Just be careful not to be treated with disrespect because it's a slippery slope to other more serious things. Take care

1 More Response

What a loser.

Dump that creep. He is lower than a snakes belly in a tire rut. You deserve a loyal and true love not some user .

He is loyal in all the other aspects I just not a person who just walks away I want to fix something and if it's not fixed then I'll leave but I have to give him a chance to make things right.

Did u ever tried to have the answers to ur questions? Try to put urself in his shoes!
ask urself if he is capable to do such thing. Well that's my opinion

Honestly, right now I am focusing on school, making sure I achieve every goal I can set for myself. I've decided that boyfriends, popularity, and all that crap aren't going to help me at all in the long run so I ignore them. But if someone says they "love" you at such a young age don't believe it to be 100% true because most likely it's not. Also if someone 'loved" you then they wouldn't lie just to please someone else, they'd blow off the haters and put all their attention on you.

At my school there aren't really popular and unpopular. But we go to different schools in the same district.

He's an idiot...

They're ********. And I hate hipsters lol. Who cares what those ******* hipsters think?

Here's a hard answer, I'd dump him. If you were looking at long term, it's a real bad start to be someone's dirty little secret. Someday when your grand kids ask about when you and grandpa met, will you blush and be proud to share your story, do you want your daughters to settle for that? This can't be good for your self esteem. He's treating you like you're worthless, and allowing yourself to be treated that way, kinda makes you worth less. And how can you two share things? Do you go to separate Christmas events, New Year's parties? Grad? If he's ashamed of you, you'll feel it, and it will put a bad smell on everything. Find someone who's proud to be with you!!!!!

I approve of this message

I do too!

Your boyfriend's friends are very 'high school', and he has unfortunately caved. If he feels bad enough for it, he probably won't again.

Yes, they seem very immature

I know how that feels and trust me I know you feel like your the only one who doesn't know if you're broken up or not so you feel humiliated that's how I felt but I'd talk to him and make him understanf that if other people's opinions matter more than showing your love in an open relationship it's heartbreaking to know other people matter more to him than you am I making sense??? Hope it helps I don't want to sound mean or pushy I just made my EP account today :)

Thank you, I told him this in fewer words he still thinks I should just trust him but I'm not sure if I can if he just keeps telling his friends all this stuff that isn't true.

Yes and sometimes it might be him lying to his friends and tells you not to worry because he's not worried because he knows it's not true. Also maybe his friends don't want him to be in a relationship because as you know a girl leaves her friends for her bf and guys ditch their boys too and maybe they just enjoy his friendship too much or he's the best bro to them friends are and can be like that

He's young - give him time. However, I would say that he sounds like a push over. Do you respect him? I don't think I could respect a man who couldn't even tell his friends that they have no say in his personal life. What else will he compromise to make others happy or avoid making decisions?

I respect him less now

I would too. You deserve someone who loves you without reservation, and his inability to stand up for you to his friends is telling. I use to have a friend whose husband never stuck up for her with his mother. It was a terrible situation. I don't like weak willed men.

Beat them at their own game. He needs to stay with you because eventually they will all be dating "normies." Then your boyfriend can say, "I was dating 'normies' years before you guys were. #hipster"

The thing is the don't think they are hipsters

Those folk are almost as charming non-conformists who all rebel against conformity by conforming with the non-conformist ideals.

I tried really hard to impress these people but they just think I take things too seriously.

I would say hipsters are the worst kind of people, but can we actually call them people?

It just sucks because I didn't think he cared THAT much about what people think. Maybe I'm just bring the same way. But is it really wrong for me to not want to be hidden?

There's nothing wrong with wanting to feel loved. And if he did, he wouldn't pretend he broke up with you. He's not a man in my book.

He doesn't understand how it makes me feel. ;p even though I tell him and try to make him understand.

No, it is not wrong for you to not want to be hidden. This isn't as simple as him choosing between his girlfriend and friends, it is choosing between his girlfriend and terrible friends. If he really cared about you he wouldn't pretend to break up with you; If they truly liked him, they wouldn't force him to break up with you. He is dating a pretty young woman who, on top of being a youtuber, is also an author. He should side with you over those hipsters any day.

I was just questioning if I was selfish for feeling like this. But I don't think that anymore thank you.

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That's weird, if he loves you, he wouldn't hide it

I knew his friends didn't approve of me I just didn't think he'd have to feel like they'd not be his friend if we were together. They don't like me because I take things seriously, and they don't take anything seriously.

Well you're definitely in a tough spot. H
I'm sure it will,be hard when you're out and he won't show you any affection.

I told him he has to tell them or we can't be together.