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Desperately Seeking Love and Affection

I have only been married since May, to a man I have known since 1998. I feel completely alone, that I do not matter. Quite frankly I don't even think he loves me. I seriosly have days where I think I would be better off not here.

Do you ever feel like the puppy sitting under the table begging for scraps? I sure as hell do, begging for any attention, some sort of sign that he still loves me. I know I am pathetic, and hate it.

I try to be positive and let him know I appreciate things he does around the house or for the kids. As a man he does not get that if he puts oil in the van for me, or fixes something around the house, that is not doing something for me. I cannot get him to understand that it means doing something that only I benefit from, something I like or want. I get told I don"t know what you want.

We do not sleep in the bed together, he went to third shift so he would not have to be home with me. Although now we are home during the day together, but he is asleep.

I want my husband to actually kiss me, not brush a kiss against my cheek as he goes out the door to work. Or just hold me or hug me. Sit next to me on the couch like we used to and watch tv together, he would tell me to either put my head in his lap or to put my feet up on his lap. Even smack my butt once in a while like he would. I try to be close and touch him but he pulls away. So I am always left feeling rejected. I cry in the shower alot,as it is muffled by the running water.

I don't know how much more I can take, or how long I can go on like this. I am so resentful towards him, and snap at the smallest thing. Even using the f bomb, which is not like me. It hurts so much, every day.

strawberry1969 strawberry1969 36-40, F 11 Responses Sep 28, 2007

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I hate to say it but i think he's porking another woman.

l have it. at sebyoto@yahoo.com

We are in process of divorce. He claims he doesn't want to be married to me, but will not let me go. He refuses to do the things he needs to for our divorce to be final, such as going to parenting class. I went months ago. I am trying to move on with my life, but I cannot completely until I am free of him. Well as free as I can be, we have a son together.<br />
By the way, biggest problem with him was cocaine, I didn't know about. Which is what gave me the final push to walk away.

I'm going trough the same thing & it hurts so bad. Its so confusing. What i have done is told my husband he has 3 months to make up his mind if he wants me in it or not because after 10 months w/o sex & 2yrs w/o a french kiss & no emotional contact or conversation is getting old. Its an awful thought to go out into the world alone w/ kids but it better to find someone who truly loves you for you & not someone who doesnt care. The reason i said 3 months is because our daughter starts school in 3 months & i can get a job & move out. We've been together for 5 yrs & have a 3yr old daughter. I love him & still desire him today after everything he's put me through but i cant be alone in a relationship anymore. I'll be praying for you! I hope everything works out & I hope my story has helped in some way.

Hi. I don't know you, but I know exactly what you are feeling. My husband actually gave me a deadline to move out by. I felt exactly the same way after two and half years of marriage. He refused to go to the doctor to talk about depression, didn't have any desire for sex for nearly 10 months (which, of course, he blamed on me), etc. My family thinks he's gay, which doesn't make me feel any better. Now I'm with another guy who doesn't love me but atleast is willing to help me get on my feet financially so I can never have to rely on anyone financially again. <br />
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Life can suck, but hang in there. We'll be okay in the end and it won't be us looking back thinking "Damn, I had the best I'll ever get and I threw it away."

There is nothing pathetic about wanting to feel loved by the person you are married to. You have every right to want attention from the person who has promised to love and cherish you. <br />
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I read your story and my impression was that your relationship was over but I see from your comment that your husband is being treated for depression. How is he when he is less depressed? Does he provide the love and support that you need then?<br />
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If, when he is less depressed, he is able to give you what you need then perhaps things will improve as he is treated. If it is going to work you need to be able to live with not getting the attention you deserve when he is feeling depressed but at least there will be times when he isn't and things are better. <br />
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You need to talk to him, explain how you feel, ask him to take his medications for your sake. Perhaps you could go to marriage counseling.

This complicates things. If a man has a medical issue that affects his moods it's not the same story:) You have to decide whether you can accept the two of him, the sick and the well. I have seen good women broken by sick men. I've also seen sick men saved by good women. Some promises that he'll try to get well would help, but if you can't get him to the point of communication, remember at the end of the day, save yourself first.

He has been angry and verbally abusive, told me he wants a divorce. Then turns around the next day, or even hours later the same day and tells me he loves me, acts as though nothing is wrong.<br />
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He started taking lexapro, this time I did not even have to say anything he asked about it on his own at the Dr. Which was a good sign to me. I can keep track of whether he is taking it, and he was, by about day 5-6 I started to notice a difference with his moods. But lately he hasn't been taking it daily and we get back to the roller coaster ride of emotions.<br />
How can I have any type of discussion with him when he is so flippant, and his mood and emotions change in a snap.<br />
I know in my heart something is wrong, and wish he would just tell me, as I only envision the worst. Of course the nurse in me is making a clinical diagnosis!

There's an easy way to find out. Ask him.

But how can I honestly say it is over after only 6 months? Knowing all the other things going on,especially financially. Is there no possibilty of it getting back on track?

I hate to say it, but you know it, it's over. It's time to move on.