My husband is having an affair. I just figured this out today. I know there are those that think I am stupid, I feel like I'm just weak. Anyways, this past summer I saw a strange number on his phone. I am not one to snoop, but his behavior changed, and he became secretive with me seeing the front of his phone. So I memorized the number and texted it. The woman responded telling me that she met him on a dating site, and said that he is posting that he is a widow and told everyone on that site I died when our son was only 6 months old, from a drunk driver. She did not know I existed. She told me they had unprotected sex at least 6 times, and that he texts her all day long. She was disgusted with him when she talked with me. So she stopped seeing him. I confronted my husband, and he said he has been talking with her but never had sex with her, he made her sound like she was crazy. He said he will never talk to another woman again. Months later I posted a fictional woman on that same site to see of he would take the bait. Diappointingly he did. I confronted him again. He apologized and said he took himself off the site. Today, at 830 am, he said he was helping his brother's friend move, I texted his brother, he said that he wasn't, so now I know he's cheating on me again. I'm waiting for him to come home, to confront him. I feel frustrated, hopeless, worthless, and there are no words to appropriately describe my sadness.
Wendyann77 Wendyann77
36-40, F
39 Responses Nov 22, 2015

Wow ur hubby is an idiot. he doesn't deserve you

Hello Wendy , I have read all that you have said,and a lot of people has pass judgement on your husband, but I will like to ask one question , I wander what do you do to make him happy when you or him is at home?i am married for 38 years and I am not dead ! I know my wife is not having an affair , or never cheated on me ,but still she have no time to do any thing to excite me , except cook and clean , he'll I have needs , I don't know if she do not have any desire , but I have , so I am going to ask you , What do you think I should do?

Sadly you have a serial cheater - he's got a psychological problem that compels him to do this; it's not necessarily about sex, it's an addictive thrill seeking behavior. Like gambling or alcoholism, it'll ruin his-and eventually your- life.
You can try to get him intervention and help, or legally protect yourself and cut your losses.

You might contract something so protect yourself. Instead of confronting him, now you know he will keep doing it, start making plans to leave. Start with small steps and work your way out.
The question is do you live him and want to save the marriage or do you want to leave?

That is for her to decide

Thats terrible. Sorry to hear that. I wish you al the bwst

I'm so sorry..

It's ******* disgusting. It's not your fault, you deserve better. He's just acting like a kid, and that's coming from an actual kid

Also, you take the high road through EVERYTHING! And I men everything. The judge will scrutinize every word said or texted or in any email. You do the right things Keats bit be hard trust me but it will be with it in the end. HIGH ROAD ALWAYS!!

Wow, so he doesn't think he can get std's from having sex with people he meets huh? Wow, what's his vitamin?! Greet him with a request for a divorce due to adultery and emotional neglect. You may want to check, in some states it is illegal to commit adultery. Save the site he's on, print it and file it away. Do that EVERY time. Good luck. I was in your shoes.

I think her husband has a psychological problem - he's not acting rationally enough to realize that (a) he's just destroyed his life; (b) he could get an STD; (c) this is going to cost him financially, emotionally, and possibly have other secondary effects on his employment, etc..
If he'd had a one nighter with a cocktail waitress while out of town at a convention...that would be one thing. This is the pattern of someone who's got an addiction of sorts.

You are 100% correct!

I am here for you to talk to anytime

Not your fault and certainly his loss

Hi Wendy , I sent a message to you earlier today and I was the one who mentioned that I TOO...had been cheated on. I have been reading all of the wonderful things that these very nice people have said to you. I completely agree with them. You deserve much better than that unfaithful husband who doesn't deserve a good person like you. These people are right..leave him and realize that he will NOT change his ways. You're much too good for him and I think he's mentally UN stable. Please do yourself a favor and get away from him ASAP.

Oh no...I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm in an unhappy marriage too, but not quite like yours. I can imagine how much this hurts. Glad that lady was straight with you and that she dumped him. But one things for sure that he has proven to you: he will never change. If you need to vent I'm here for you. Stay strong.

Doesn't matter what you say to him. The fact remains that you are still with him. To him that just means he tolerates your complaints and upsets but still does we wants to do anyway.
I'm sorry. My heart hurts for you and I can't feel near the pain you have right now.
You are important.
You are beautiful and attractive.
You are intelligent.
You deserve to be treated with respect.
Don't settle for anything else.

I am sorry for your pain. It's the worst feeling in the world and nobody deserves to feel that way,

Sounds like you need to be the widow!

I am sorry sweetheart, you deserve a better man. I am here for you as a friend if you need some support.

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. Unfortunately, it is not likely that he will change. He behavior doesn't have anything to do with you... It is about his insecurities. Deep inside, he knows he doesn't deserve you. Please take care of you. It's not easy, I know... If there is any way... Leave now.

This is more than insecurity. This guy is a sociopath.

How many times do you really need to confront him? You already know the truth! Do yourself a favor and dump him!!

Okay... Don't even wait for him to come home... Take everything that's yours... Go find a hotel or a friends house ... Stay there for a while... Break his favorite items... Ruin his stuff... And ditch that ******* find someone who likes you

Vandalism is not a good idea. Listen to the song "Take a letter Maria." Those lyrics describe the proper way to handle this situation.

Listen to this song. He gives explicit directions for how to handle a cheating spouse. "Lyrics: So take a letter Maria, address it to my wife / Say I won't be coming home, gonna start a new life / Take a letter Maria, address it to my wife / Send a copy to my lawyer, gotta start a new life… Full lyrics on Google Play" https://www.google.com/#q=take+a+letter+maria

do not destroy stuff. It might make you feel good for 15 minutes, however when it gets to family court it will be construed as inappropriate behaviour and the judge will hold it against you.

I'm so sorry

Hi Wendy , it's me Bill..again and I have been reading other people's responses to you and they , like I do , really care about you and everyone w

This is sad :( HEARTBREAKING!
You know you deserve better than this.....and soon you need to take a stand for yourself. None of this is a problem with you....the problem is with him. If you can be strong for yourself....be strong for your son. It's amazing what the things they pick up that are not said. Even seperating for a small amout if time might be an eye opener for him. Be strong! Wish you lots of luck! Hugs!

Im sorry about what has happened.... But try doing the same to him and aee what he does. Make up a fictional guy and see if he gets mad that u are. U can confront him and be like " now u know how it feels

Hi Wendy , I just texted to you a few minutes ago and my name is Bill and I went through a similar situation. I have just finished reading your story about your husband and his horrendous adultery. I think it's time for you to get a Divorce from him and move on with your own life. He sounds like a very Pathetic individual .

That's too bad he is cheating on you. What a jerk

Leave him, hes not worth it.

You do not deserve this! It isn't fair. He's a scum bag and you need to leave his stupid ***

This makes me want to cry OMG

You deserve so much better and know that HIS actions are NOT your fault. Keep your chin up and if you need to talk I'm here

may i ask why are you still with him after all this ?

I wished it would stop, I even tried to live with it, but I can't it's tearing me to pieces, I know I deserve more.

Omg DO NOT try to just live with it. U do deserve more, and moreover your child deserves a mother who is happy. He will be better off for it.

I am so sorry... he is most undeserving of a loyal caring partner like you.. He's a Scumbag. How dare he do something like that to you! Get rid Honey... he's not worth your time. He will just continue to play you until he dumps you... don't wait for that. Your unhappy and don't deserve to be..

You should tell him to go back where he came from and enjoy men are taking all the good women and putting them aside

OK! A tip for you as wish you guys don't have kids but if have one. Make this away from kids for they will feel like it was their fault that you two fight cos of them. Second thing as three times is a lot of times to catch him cheat on you. I'm so fair to anyone who claim they were so weak and did the cheat. But if he got that weak more than once. It means he don't see a beautiful and loving woman at home. The worse is telling others you were dead. I was hell sad for knowing he took you away from his life and still a weak and full of BS guy to tell lies about you without thinking you are smart to catch his tail and cut him off. I wish you know that a cheater is and will stay cheater no matter what they say. Lies is what they always depend on to get away from anything they do. I wish you say it and do get both apart. Liars are the worse enemy to anyone for never knowing what is real and what is not while talking with you.

Do anything bit don't feel worthless! It's not your fault!

so sorry to hear that i know how you feel from when my wife was doing it to me.

Aww.. :(

It doesn't sound like he ever has any consequences from his affairs so he will probably keep having them. He obviously believes you keep taking it.

Your right.

Are you going to?

Yes

I think you should do the same I am here for help you

Sorry I don't have it in me to have an affair. It wouldn't make me feel better, and it wouldn't make anything right.

He lied about your not being alive. That is worse than just having an affair.

I know, I'm an awesome wife, I do too much for him. It sucks that I want to feel love from a monster. He basically killed me.

I think that is dangerous that he has said that because that means he was thinking in those terms. I think you should be concerned for your safety.

Life's short. Live it your way. You can be strong, just focus on what you need out of life and remove the trash.

I'm trying to continue with college, so I can get a career that will support me and my son.

This is quite typical.