A Nite Out..

...and Yes.. I went out last nite.  I wanted to catch some live music so I went to HRC.

As I got out from my car the jockey recognises me... We both smiled and greeted each other as usual.  The first step into the hotel lobby was unusual.. I turned and there is this porter smiling and said 'Long time didn't see you... how many months away'?  I answered almost 9mths.  He was still holding the door even after I have walked passed... He then said 'Only one person'?  I smiled and answered 'Yea, he is still in Abu Dhabi, I came back 1.5 weeks ago'.  We both smiled and I walked on.  The surrounding in the hotel lobby was busy... I head on to HRC.

I walked into the crowded bar and the first thought that pop into my brain was 'Each time when I walked in I will look at the bar counter for his figure.. with a beer on the bar waiting for me... a wide smile, a long hug and kiss from JB'..  Last nite... it was different all over.  Something was missing and I knew what it was... He is gone...he will never stand at the bar again waiting for me..  He will never come back... There will never be him hugging me at the bar enjoying the music.. laughing and telling each other jokes... There will never be any JB and I in HRC where everyone knows us.

Waiters and waitresses still recognises me... still give me the best service without me having much hassle with payment or ordering drinks.

A guy sitting next to me started chatting... We chat bout all sorts. 

Even though my physical body is sitting there... my heart and brain are not.

The live band came on... and there were some nice songs from Black Eye Pea, PINK, Lady Gaga, Knickelback, Brian Adams, Bonjovi ..etc etc.

I stare at the bar counter again... telling myself  " This is not working... Let it go... set him free...set yourself free .. As much as you wished and wished time can turn back.. it is not going to happened. Can't live my life in the past... gotta look ahead... Cry it all out..  Let the tears wash away the pain... Let there be laughter again... let there be smiles from bubbly you .... Just like before you both met.   Love is somewhere but it is not coming from the man that says he loves me".

I left the bar at almost 3am.... Dropping by to the hotel Lounge where most waitress knows me too.. I chatted with one... She missed JB and I...

In my heart I murmured  "So do I....so do I .............."

Eternal Eternal
31-35, F
1 Response Mar 12, 2010

After reading your comments..I asked myself the same questions. I found mine and is not ashamed to tell you either.<br />
~ Because I still miss 'us'... <br />
~ Others could have gone thru the pain quicker than you and I.. but same time I am sure there were pain.<br />
<br />
St Paddy's day on Wednesday... Another day that I need to get thru with a stronger heart cos its our 3rd year together.