Stuck In a Rut Today

Right now I have been reduced to playing endless games of Solitaire, Hearts, Chess Titans, Spider Solitaire and Mahjong on my laptop. It's very quite sad and a tad pathetic. I don't have/can't get access to any other games, online and off. Over and over I play it.

I think that I will run out of stories and experiences in a year or so if I don't get out more soon, meet some new ppl and try something fresh. How many experiences and stories can I really dreg out from my past? From sitting here, dwelling on what's going inside of me. What I want to know is what's going on OUTSIDE me. Outside this house, outside my comfort zone, outside what I know. B/c there's ppl falling in and out of love, ppl laughing and joking around, ppl being interesting and ppl being boring, and ppl just happening. This feels like I'm missing out on something big here, but I don't know what it is, so I can't get myself to chase after it.

Today I just don't. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know who to talk to in my life. I don't know how to make things different. I don't know. Ha. Maybe I should join that group.

BowsAndBones BowsAndBones
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 24, 2007

WOW. Thank you for that!! I'm glad you had such a wonderful and priceless experience in your life. If only I could afford to get a music education. ;> There's always self-learning guitar I suppose. I learnt violin for 3 years, but after we moved, the rates went waaaay up! Maybe I'll pick up an instrument when I'm older and more independent.

Join a quartet, maybe a choir, or a band, since you are <br />
into music.<br />
<br />
I was raised in a Christian environment and school system so grew up doing a LOT of classical music and religious music and hymns. BUT I DECIDED TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT WHEN IN MY EARLY THIRTIES. <br />
It REALLY LIVENED up my life. <br />
<br />
Here is the story in short, hope it inspires you to get out of your comfort zone and feel alive.<br />
<br />
I always had this desire to do something with more beat and sass, I was constantly rapping out the beat to things that I heard.<br />
<br />
Finally, I branched out a little. I joined a great black gospel church, you know, the type where the choir marches down the center aisle, wearig Sunday black and white and white gloves. The lead singer was the "mother" of the church, she would stomp and jump and pronounce great afirmations over the congregation and when the entire choir finally assembled in the choir loft, they began to sway and up the beat. Then they would vary the chorus melody by increments higher or lower and by beat grouping. Finally they would break up into several FINE melodies in counter point. At the very end there were several voices asking and answering eachother until it was so electric in the church that the congregation stood and melodiously joined in to question and answer. The choir would follow the movements of the "mother" and the congregation would mimic the movements. <br />
<br />
After all this physical, emotional and musical energy was expended, I felt like the parts and pieces of me that were reserved during the week for work, motherhood, wifely duties and etc. had come together as a whole, lively and complete person.<br />
<br />
Eventually, I was asked to join, and I learned to rock it out along with them. They had a LOT to teach me. They needed some of the information from my classic college music training. <br />
<br />
I was ULTIMATELY very surprise and humbled that this all black choir gave me the position as their Minister of Music. A post that I held for two years, until I had to move away. <br />
<br />
I was the only white woman there. <br />
<br />
As white as I am, my heart carries special understanding of the power, hope, intelligence and passion and talent of our American Blacks, because of this wonderful church. <br />
<br />
Talk about getting S T R E T C H E D !<br />
<br />
Anyway, try something very different, and stick with it awhile. I BET you will come out of your fear and timidity. <br />
<br />
I think you and I are like seeds. We can sit around in the dark and be cozy for a very long time or we can push up into the light and get very crazy, very different, very alive. <br />
<br />
<br />
R

try meetup.com to find groups that meet in your area. Then come tell us about what you experienced ;-P