Nothing That Is Worth Having Comes Easy.

So, here's the deal. I met my first love over the internet, and she was my everything. I loved her so much. She was my fiance, and my baby, and my angel. I would have done anything for her. I would have given my life. I would have killed someone. Anything for my angel.

And then what happens? She just... stops loving me one day. She gets too busy, with college and her friends. Too busy for me. Too cool for me. And then what happens? She leaves me for a guy. Now, me being a girl (it was a lesbian relationship) it hurts so much more. Like I turned her straight or something.

It's just... I have so much to offer. I'm a very loving and passionate person. I know I have a big heart, just brimming with the love and care I hold for those close to me. It wasn't that she hated how I looked, or what I said. It was actually me she didn't like in the end. She saw my soul, my heart, and the love I had, and she shoved it back in my face. She left me back in August, right after our anniversary.

It's now April. I have a girlfriend, who I love more than life itself. She is the only other person I've loved so much. I have a really good feeling about her. But is it too soon? We started dating on January 22, just four or five months after my last girlfriend broke off our two year relationship. Is this too fast? Not that I'm doubting, but... I'm so afraid to put my trust into someone like that again. I can't take the hurt. I would wilt away into nothing, a twisted cadavar of my former self.

But, the thing is... I need to get over my ex. I need to forget about her completely. She has done nothing but hurt me and abuse me emotionally, and yet I still can't let it go. I still want to hurt her, and get back at her. I'm still curious of what she's doing, and where she's going, and what she's thinking. Am I jumping into a relationship too soon?

I love my current girlfriend. I do. I need to get over my ex, and stop complaining about her.

I just wish it was as easy as it sounds.

Pan Pan
18-21
4 Responses Apr 7, 2007

Pan you're so beautiful. I know how you feel now. I feel I lost the one I put my heart and soul into. I feel the hurt of having my soul, my heart, and the love I had shoved it back in my face. I know she didn't mean it. I know she would never hurt the one she was in love with. She has a beautiful heart and an amazing wonderful soul. <br />
<br />
But unlike you, I hope and I pray for her happiness. My greatest dream is that one day I can once again be the root of her happiness but until then I'm going to struggle to be strong. I'll struggle to prove I'm strong enough to hold her and care for her. But even if I'm not the one for her, I'll stand back and love that there is someone that can truely make her happy. I'll watch and make sure she has someone that will be by her side as she dies so many years from now. I'll love that her every dream comes true, even if I'm not in them. <br />
<br />
Pan,<br />
<br />
I love you and I always will.<br />
<br />
~Anndei

heres a poem..<br />
Not very good but anyway....<br />
<br />
FREEDOM FROM LOVE.........................<br />
<br />
<br />
Freedom to love again.<br />
Freedom to try love again without thinking <br />
about the past.<br />
Freedom to think without worry.<br />
Freedom to dance to my<br />
new found love..<br />
Freedom to feel the touch of another <br />
heart and soul.<br />
Freedom to forget the past.<br />
Freedom to cry without any sorrow......<br />
Freedom to walk with out trials and<br />
trubulations...<br />
Freedom to be along and think<br />
in peace.<br />
Freedom to start a new life feel with love<br />
again...<br />
Thank you for freedom......................

oo i know how you feel, I wish i could give you some good advice all I can tell you is that you are not alone and sometimes it helps to know that

You can't forget about her. You loved her. She was everything to you. Forgetting someone that you love so deeply is impossible to forget about. You can't be afraid to move on. You can't expect the same thing from someone else. I know it's hard but you do need to learn from past experiences. <br />
I don't know how to word this but I hope you understand. <br />
If the same thing happens the second time then, yes, It will hurt and you will feel you have yourself to blame. But what if it doesn't happen. What if you found the perfect person in your life? What if you held them to you? And held their hand? What if they gave you everything they had to offer? Their life, their soul, their love. And you're too afraid to take it just because your afraid that that person will take all those things form you and shove them back into your face. It's not fair. Something may happen in three months, two years, Fifeteen years or even the day before we die, But are you seriously going to let that stop you from possibly having your true love?Are you going to let that keep you from being truly happy?<br />
<br />
I don't expect you to ever forget about her. But I need you to be able to be happy. If I need anything from you I definatly need that. Even if it's not with me, I need you to be happy. <br />
<br />
I love you and I always will. <br />
<br />
~Anndei