... I Really, Really Do.

I have been in love with a man at who works at the same company as I do for almost two years now. He doesn't know how I feel. We are both married and I don’t want to cheat or break up my marriage or his, so this can pretty much go nowhere. Even knowing all this, I still can’t seem to get over him.

The funny thing is that I had worked at this same company years ago and this man was my boss, but I never had these kinds of feelings for him back then. I mean, he was a good boss and I liked him as a person, but nothing “romantic” of any sort. Anyway, I had quit there to go back to school, and it just happened that about a year after I graduated (over a decade since I quit), a position in my new career path opened up at that same company. I applied for it, and because I had a good work record there before, left on good terms, and this man gave me a glowing reference, I was rehired.

The second day on the job, this man came to see me at my desk. It was like being hit with a sledgehammer; I instantly had all these crazy feelings for him and had no idea why. The next few days were a blur of confusion and questions… Where did all this come from? Why was I feeling like this? I am married and it has had its challenges, but things between me and my husband were good at the time, and I certainly wasn’t looking to fall for another man, especially this one: my ex-boss! In the decade between the time I quit to go back to school and then, I rarely even thought about him... I mean, I would think about him from time to time, wonder how he was doing, etc., but nothing near “Oh my God I miss him so much” type of thing.

As far as his feelings for me… I pretty sure he has strong feelings for me too. He was never one to show his feelings, but for the first few days after I came back to the company, he was always over-the-rails happy to see me, which is really unusual for him. After that, I think he figured out I was feeling the same way and got scared something was going to happen, so he really reigned it back in, to the point of avoiding me sometimes. Of course I was hurt, but I understood… I quit seeking him out. After a few weeks, he started coming around again, finding excuses to talk to me… never with the zest of that first week, but happy and nice enough. Our departments do not depend on each other, so it’s really a stretch to find a reason to talk to me, and he would never just come over to shoot the breeze with me just because… that would be getting too close to the edge that neither of us is willing to jump over.

I need to get over him. I like to see him, but it hurts at the same time because I know we can never be together. I know a lot of this is because I find it all somewhat romantic, but it isn’t just something I think about from time to time… it hurts me and consumes me too much. It also isn’t fair to my husband, my family, or his family… they are all innocent bystanders in this.

I can avoid seeing him at work to a point, possibly for weeks at a time, but not totally. Getting a job somewhere else in this job market would be hard and I really don’t want to leave the company… it is a great company to work for and I really love my job; the only thing I don’t like about it is this mess!

I’m hoping by writing this, it’s a step in the direction of getting over him. If anyone has any constructive comments or advice, I’d love to hear from you. Thanks for reading this.

FaithInFate FaithInFate
46-50, F
2 Responses Jul 17, 2010

Thanks for your comment Bev. <br />
<br />
Believe me, if I could get another position somewhere else I'd be all over it, but it's just not an option at this point... I am a 40-something woman in the IT industry, and that makes me the wrong sex and too old to get a job in my industry anywhere else. I can't afford to take another career path and therefore a cut in pay because I am pretty much the sole beadwinner (my husband is self-employed and works sporatically). So my only real option is just quit being such an idiot and get over the guy already.

You are in good company. Life is a series of comings and goings...especially with people.<br />
You know that this relationship is nothing you can build on and so I admire that you are asking for advice.<br />
<br />
If it was me and I was that much in love, I would ultimately look for another position at another company. It seems like too much torture to have to see him daily and have all of that hurt when you know that you can't building on this relationship.<br />
<br />
Obviously, I would seek out the job before I went to a new position.<br />
<br />
Whatever the outcome, chalk it up to a life experience and move on. Life is too short.<br />
<br />
God bless and I wish you well.<br />
<br />
Bev