someone I barely know

during my relapse last year, i believe I had fallen for a guy which i blindly pursued.. If I was sober I wouldn't have. But I got rejected. Of all the guys I've met, It was one of the best feelings in the world, infatuation or love, I don't know..

My thoughts: The feelings I have for him was never real because during that time I "think" people were falling for me, I was under hallucinations and delusions which made the feelings exist in the first place. It should go away no?

but on certain days when I'm lonely the feelings came back and why why why do I keep placing my happiness around him??
or my fantasy for that matter..
I don't get it.. Am I lacking meds??
I don't remember him very well that night.. and yet I'm sad as hell..
I placed him right in my heart and yet I don't know what he really looks like...
His looks changed drastically from one time frame to another.. my memory is faulty...
I remembered the intense feeling way too much...
and perhaps I loved every single appearance of him in my memory...

amejad amejad
22-25, F
Feb 9, 2010