Sinking Bog

I have been clinically depressed for about 5 years now. I have seen doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, and have had psychotherapy and drugs. Nothing has helped whatsoever. It has been so bad that I have been unable to work or go to school, but I emerge myself in the fantasy world of games and books, constantly distracting myself from reality. Lately however, I have felt myself losing touch with reality more and more, sometimes I feel things, like a mosquito bite, and i look at my arm and nothing is there, or I hear something when noone else does. I find myself slowly slipping away from sanity, and sometimes I can't even remember things that have happened, when my memory used to be fantastic. I even sometimes remember things that haven't happened at all. I have nothing at all in my life, and I have contemplated suicide many times, because this life is hell, but I'm so afraid of death that the thought of it makes me need to pinch myself to not completely break down. I feel I am sinking into a bog, and that the harder I try to get out the harder it pulls me back in.
A80H A80H
Jul 15, 2010