What Is Wrong With Me, I Need Help!

I am 15 and a premature teen.
I have so many friends from both sex.
i always am tired and i feel unhappy most times. My moods are always Up or Down, When I'm with my friends I am happy and don't worry about being sad at all, but when I am alone at home or at night i feel so down like i feel alone. I push people away and i always keep my feelings to myself if i am sad i put on a fake smile because i never tell anyone anything..I sometimes have thought of suicide and i always think "should i?" but i am to scared to do anything even though when sometimes i just do not feel like living anymore. The slighest thing can set me off, If someone would touch me i would probably have to hold my anger back i get very angry very easily, one time my friend came up behind me and i did not notice and she grabbed the back of my neck hard and i turned around and slapped her hard in the face. I have not being treated the best from guys in the past, They would see me, talk to me get all close like we were almost dating and i feel like i can trust them, then they just stop talking to me all of a sudden and i feel so down and betrayed and boys push me around and knock me around because they know i am weaker and i will probably not do anything about it. People always say "courtney, you are always smiling!" but i still feel so down and sad. When people or someone trys to help me i push them away and say "i do not need you help" I do not trust anyone really these days and i do not know why. Some nights i cry myself to sleep, a couple of times before i have feeled up the bath because i wanted to drown myself or have gone out the kitched to get pills from the cupboard, my head F*cks with me big time.
Yourbeautiful2012 Yourbeautiful2012
13-15, F
Dec 12, 2012