I Was Born With Everything A Person Could Want, But I Have Never Had A True, Meaningful Relationship.

Preamble: I usually have a hard time articulating the source and nature of my unhappiness. But, much like a properly curved glass lens can aid the short/near-sighted, I find that looking at life through the bottom of a bottle can put things into focus that would otherwise go ignored or misinterpreted. With that in mind, please excuse any syntactical/grammatical/semantic errors that may follow.

In many ways I can be considered extremely lucky. Now, the following things must be said in order for my experience to be properly conveyed, and I say them only so I can be completely open. No boasting, arrogance, or exaggeration is intended. I was born in a country where things like names, family, and lineage matter a great deal. I happen to have all three. And, unlike many old families we have managed to remain wealthy and powerful. I've been told that I'm somewhat good looking.

These are the superfluous facts of my existence, and, of course, all these things don't really, truly matter. They do not describe who I really am. As such I was about to actually describe myself in brief, but I realized that this would defeat the purpose of this post. 

No one has ever cared. Some people just hate me because of my name. Others will do and fake anything in order to curry my favor. But many people simply dismiss me outright.  They probably assume I am a spoiled, arrogant, pretentious brat. Over time I've become increasingly anxious in social situations.  This only compounds the problem. My fear and timidity are most likely seen as aloofness, and arrogance. I have too few true friends and I have never met a girl with whom I've had a real relationship. The ones that are worthwhile see only the aloof, vacuous brat. Even if there was a way to prove them wrong I fear I never developed the nerve necessary to do so. 

I feel horrible for complaining. I can't even bring myself to see a therapist. How can I sit there and moan when there other people waiting in the lobby with actual, serious problems.

I suppose iin the grand scheme of things my issues are quite insignificant. I really don't expect anyone to care, but just writing this provides a measure of respite.

Cheers.   

Ramkin Ramkin
22-25, M
Aug 6, 2010