Why do I always let the opportunity to ask a man for his number pass me by? Okay. This is nothing new to me. I do this all the time, but I swore to myself that I would take more chances. Otherwise I will be single until I die! Okay I might be exaggerating but that is how it feels, a lot of the time. Like I will never find anyone to share my life with.
I was at a friend’s BBQ yesterday and I notice this guy in a hat and his friend arrives. So I think Mr Hat is pretty cute, but I can't just introduce myself to people, cause small talk is my idea of the 7th gate of hell. I'm just so bad at it, its cringe worthy. At one point Mr Hat is standing directly opposite me, and I can only manage a few words to him. Luckily for me his friend can talk for England, and he's yapping away to one my mates. So I come over to be sociable and I end up sitting next to him Mr Hat. So we start talking (Yay!) and the conversation is a little, well, slow (not so yay). However he maintains eye contact a lot, and he does ask me questions, which I find encouraging. We stop talking, to listen to Mr Chatty, tell us some story, after which Mr Hat turns and tells to me he's far more chilled out than that, and Mr Chatty is always the conversation starter. I begin to realise that maybe the reason that our conversation was a little slow, might be because he has just as hard a time talking to people he doesn’t know, that I do.
However instead of being flooded with relief, I'm filled with dread, because I actually like him a bit more now, and its obvious more effort is required from me to keep words being exchanged between us. I continue to give it my best go, but I have began to fully convinced myself that he thinks I’m either an idiot, or worse that I don't want to talk to him, so I start to clam-up. During an odd moment of silence I jump up and to go the ladies. I didn't excuse myself I literally got up and walked away. Realising that it probably looked like I just walked off rather than needed the ladies I felt like I couldn’t go back to the table, so I when I came back went straight to the host of the BBQ with the food instead. I was so helpful that at some points some of the host friends thought I was his girlfriend! Thinking back on it I think I’m such a bloody idiot! I mean I’m not a bloody teenager, I’m in my mid-twenties, and surely this stuff should get easier as I get older!?
Anyway to cut a long story short, all was not lost. During points throughout the evening he would purposefully come up and talk to me. At one point when myself, a friend and Mr Hat we were sitting at the table again, having another odd moment of silence (no I did not run away this time) he looks up to us and says “talk to me”. Now I would love to think that was meant for me but I couldn’t be sure. Then to make matter worse, after he gets up to go for a cigarette, my friends turns to me and says “Mr Hat is really cute, I think I quite like him”. All I hear in my head is ****! So I asked her if she asks him for his number she said no, but if he asked for her number she would give it to him. Now I have the unfortunate luck of having a friend who looks like Kelly Rowland, so I think I might as well let it go, he probably wasn’t interested anyway. And girls rule states; that upon meeting a man, if a girlfriend has clearly stated an interest in him one must not pursue said man unless he either approaches you, or makes it clear he favours you instead. – I didn’t make this up; it’s part of the unwritten code amongst single girlfriends. Keeps fights away as women are naturally competitive with one another when it comes to men.
The only saving grace was that after myself and Mr Hat had finished a conversation he walks over to the table again and Mr Chatty joins him. Mr Chatty leans to him and says “So you’re in love?” I didn’t hear his response fully but he didn’t seem to disagree. I looked around the room and no one else seems to have heard this, but that could be because no one else was paying as much attention to Mr Hat as me, but was positive in what I heard. Now I’m not crazy, I know that Mr Chatty meant this as a tease, and it was just to indicate that Mr Hat clearly liked someone at the BBQ. What I was trying to decipher was whether that meant about me, or was I being incredibly naïve. Was it significant that he had just finished speaking to me when that was said or not?
The more the night went on, the more I kept thinking maybe it was me. He looked in my general direction a lot, but he didn’t say much to me for the rest of the night. In truth he didn’t say that much to anyone the rest of the night. At the end of the night I was getting a lift some with two of my other friends, and as we were all going the same way my friend offered them a lift. Thankfully Kelly Row had other plans. I sat passenger side and he sat behind me, and I’m pretty sure he kept looking at me in the side mirror reflection.
After I stepped out the car to say my goodbyes, I was kicking myself. Even if I was wrong, even if he preferred Kelly Ro, why couldn’t I just ask him for his number? He was a nice guy I’m sure if he wasn’t interested he would have just let me down gently. And Kelly Row, even though she is annoying beautiful, is one of my closest friends, she really wouldn’t have said anything if I’d let her know what I was thinking, and what I heard from Mr Hat. I know I just talked myself out of it, and I know that if nothing venture nothing gained. But what chance did we have, he’s shy and I’m shy so neither of us did anything! I could be wrong about how he felt about me, but what is really annoying is that I could be right! Who knows if I’ll ever see him again? Another opportunity gone and if things continue on this was I will end up being a crazy cat lady and die alone! I wish I had more….balls!