Head Or Heart?
Look at me. Watch me cry. Watch me try to pick the pieces of my life up. The life that was once whole, once envied, has not become an object of pity.
I stood by you. In your moments of weakness, I held you up. What did you do it return? You pulled me down, you broke me down, into someone I don’t recognize.
I live my life in a habit, fearful to break away and live again. I have no emotions, I have no dreams, no goals, I am empty. I look at pictures, my eyes are bright my smile is wide. I look at my reflection, my eyes are dark and empty, my smile has turned into a thin straight line. No more smiles, no more me.
I want myself back- I want to feel happiness, I want to feel love. I want to feel anything. The feeling of numbness succumbed by body and has taken it hostage.
I disowned my life, to play a small role in yours, the obedient girlfriend, nothing more than an possession. I feel like a prisoner of infatuation.
I sit in the dark, contemplating my escape. Suicide. The cowards solution. I refuse to give in, I refuse to be battered and broken beyond repair. I will become whole again, jaded- but whole. Your scent still lingers in the air, a constant reminder of your precense. My heart longs for you, it has been trained too.