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My Weight Loss Journey - Losing 100 Lbs. Will Set Me Free :o)

I haven’t always had weight problems. As a child I was very active and thin. In the fifth grade I had taken up the sport of basketball and joined a coed NJB Basketball Team. I happened to be the only girl on an all guy team. I was very competitive and was soon to be known on the team as the fastest and the strongest. I had grown to love basketball so much, that I had joined an all girls NJB Basketball Team the following season. So one could say that I was very active in sports at a young age. From sixth grade on, I played on two different basketball teams. I had continued playing basketball throughout Junior High, still managing to maintain my slim physique. However, my weight took a turn for the worse during the summer before entering High School. I was still involved in basketball and had even attended a basketball camp over the summer. This point in time marked the beginning of my weight loss struggles. In High School, I had made the varsity basketball team three years in a row and in the off-season joined the Track & Field Team. Despite my efforts to remain active in sports, I still seemed to progressively add weight. I was watching what I ate as well as watching my portions, but my weight/ body size slowly increased. I didn’t like being the “fat” girl, or being known as the heaviest on the team. I remember crying a lot. I constantly compared myself to others and I beat myself up internally. It wasn’t until after I graduated from High School that I was able to lose some of my weight that had caused me so much internal suffering. I was ecstatic. I had felt happy again about the way I looked. I always sported the cutest and revealing of outfits. I felt good, looked great, and my self-esteem was through the roof. This all came crashing down after becoming pregnant with my oldest son, Bruce. My pregnancy was an interesting one. At the end of my pregnancy I was gaining ten lbs a week in water. My body was retaining water like crazy. I had gained a total of 100 lbs before giving birth to my, 8 ½ lb, son. Amazingly, two days after delivery I had lost 40 lbs in water. I became pregnant again with my second son J.R., not even one month after having Bruce. With my second son, a majority of the weight that I gained was due to water retention. I gained 50 lbs during my second pregnancy, giving birth to a 9 lb 3oz healthy baby boy. Within two months I was back to my second pre-pregnancy weight. January 2005 I had told myself that I was going to lose some weight. I had started the Atkins diet, joined a gym, and paid for a couple of trainer sessions. I was off to a great start. I had lost 40 lbs. and I was feeling great. I was happy with the weight I had lost so far and I was looking forward to losing even more. September of 2005, my youngest son stopped nursing and my weight slowly crept right back. It continued to creep back until I had gained back all of the weight that I had lost. Since then I have been struggling to lose weight, trying to find a routine that was going to work for me. During the Summer of 2008 I told myself that once my oldest son started Kindergarten I was getting my butt back into the gym. I was tired of being overweight, I was tired of avoiding making a change.
My goal is to lose 100 lbs. I had had enough internal suffering about the way I looked. Something had to change. Now that my oldest son had started kindergarten I had been determined, more than ever, to get rid of this extra weight. I started using my fitness membership for the first time in a long time. It took some time before I started to shed pounds. I had started to feel better about myself and I had been looking forward to my workouts. By November 2009 I had lost 50 lbs. I was doing great and feeling great. It all came to a halt when I started to have relationship problems. To start off lets just say that the only reason that I have put up with years and years of mental abuse from my husband was for the kids. My parents divorced at a young age and I had been determined to make it work and do whatever it took to make our relationship good. Well, he got worse and his drinking became more frequent and as he drank more he said a lot more hurtful things. I withdrew myself from everybody and everything. To make matters worse I started gaining the weight that I had lost back. I became this little hermit crab inside my shell. I truly felt stuck until one day last month I had a heart to heart talk with my parents. Since that talk, I have become a little bit more head strong. I have started to work out again and I am focusing on improving myself. I have lost 10 lbs so far and I am more determined than ever not to fail. I had already been on the right path before and everything that I had been doing was working great for me. The only thing that became an obstacle was my husband. I am starting to separate myself mentally from his controlling nature. For now, I am working on keeping his abuse out of my head and someday soon out of my life. My journey to a better me starts now. Who's with me? Wanna join my team? I'd love to have you on it! We can do this! I have some weight to lose, self-esteem & confidence to gain.
TurboMommyOf3 TurboMommyOf3 31-35, F 6 Responses Sep 24, 2010

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