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Men & Weight

Hi all,

I am not fat, but rather a little overstuffed.  I'm still attractive, although my hubby says that I need to lose weight.  I should've known not to marry him when we were dating because he always said I was the heaviest girl he ever dated.  Well, if you want model material, look elsewhere.

I'm ok with me... and I am a little overweight, but it's not like I'm so big I can't walk!  Geez, give me a break.

It's a known fact that most people are overweight - and after 2 C-sections, and a partial hysterectomy (3 cuts in the same place), my muscles just don't work like they used to! 

If the truth be known, I would love to lose about 20 lbs... but it doesn't matter what I try, it doesn't work.  And ladies, I'm not wanting to lose it to please my husband either!  I want to please ME!  Because it's ME I have to honestly live with!  Hubby?  Yeah, well, I have to live with him too, but with his attitude these days, he just doesn't count!

Would love some comments and suggestions on sucessful weight loss from anyone out there...



Cheleanne Cheleanne 66-70, F 55 Responses Jul 11, 2007

Your Response


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Hi Cheleanne! The easiest way for you to lose your weight is to detoxify your body by eating a diet rich in clean nutrient dense foods. Try your best to eat as clean and close to nature as possible by buying organic when possible or shopping at a local farmers market would be ideal. What SHOULD you eat? A plant based diet is what gives the glow! It is a beautiful nutrient dense detox diet that will rid your body of bloating, fatigue, odor, toxins, cellulite- basically all symptoms of a toxified body! Eat lots of raw fruits and vegetables and stay away from soy, gluten, corn, GMOs, and unhealthy oils and salts. Extra virgin olive oil and coconut oil and raw nut oils are all okay but stay away from homonogized animal byproducts and table salt. Celtic sea salt or himalayan crystal salt is immensely healthier. It is best to stay away from dairy as well and if you feel like you can handle the extra mile cut out meat until you have lost the weight and can handle adding in grass fed beef back into your diet and eventually raw dairy too. Lots of uncooked organic fruits and vegetables is what does the trick! Try adding in quinoa and steamed veggies if you feel you can not do a 100% uncooked diet. It is easiest to transition into this diet eating as raw as possible with whatever you feel needs to be exceptions, even if it is meat! Just keep it clean and as close to the earth as possible. If you want to know more about it just google a "raw vegan" diet and read up. You will be amazed! I believe it is a beautiful detox diet but you do not have to maintain it permanently. You are beautiful no matter what! Be gentle with yourself and trust your body. Goodluck :)

Also drink L O T S of water. Start your mornings off by drinking 16oz of water first thing when you wake up. Cut out refined sugar, alcohol and coffee. Or drink coffee in moderation with natural sweeteners like honey, stevia or coconut palm sugar. I dont really reccomend agave although its healthier than sugar it is extremely high in fructose. Stay active too! dry skin brushing and green juices are also something you should look into. All these things i've mentioned you can google and learn more about. Like i said not saying you have to be 100% raw or vegan but google "raw vegan recipes" for tips and recipes using really clean food. Another tip, the almonds in commercial grocery stores including whole foods are not raw and cashews arent either for the most part. Add little nuts and seeds to your diet too, i recommend chia seeds and hemps seeds and walnuts! walnuts are the healthiest of all nuts!

I started Visalus and I am seeing so many positive changes. Visalus works and it's cheap $1.68 a shake, it's so easy and you get the nutritional value off over $100 worth in groceries. the mix tastes like cake mix, its sooooo good! I make brownies, cookies and frozen yogurt with it as well as the shakes. you never get board of it! there is over 250 recipes
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Hi how r u now?

Hi I am new here but I did manage to lose 80 pounds in less then one year.I have put back on about 15 pounds but I will lose it I am hoping before wedding at the end of august.Anyway I will just tell you how I did it.I read an article that says that we as people do not get enough fibre in our diets and we need to start.It also said that if you exercise you with cutting out the snacks and eating about 35to 40 grams of fibre everyday you will forsure lose the weight.It took me About 9 to 10 months but I did it and felt great too.I would walk for 30 minutes atleast 1 time a day sometimes 2 times.People could not the believe that it was coming off the way it was.Also my sister who was heavier then I tried it and she has lost 180 pounds.I am right around my normal weight now except for the extra 15 pounds..But I also to learn to cut down on starches and ate alot of veggies and more protein as well.I would have my plates overflowing with veggies to fill myself up first and also drink a coule of galsses of water during my meal.I had to snack on veggies and fruit instead of junk.Oh yeah and I would not eat in the evening.During this process was the first time I felt in control of myself and it felt great.It helped me get over my emotional eating and to deal with what was bothering me in the first place.I also realized during this that my faamily is a bunch of emotional eaters.I should take my own advice for this next month eh lol.Also if you are to busy don't be.This is one thing I had to learn that I did come first not my child or work or my other half or even friends.I made it so important that my friends would come along walking and the same with my child.If i had to go on my own I would go somewhere busy so the time got faster.It took me about a month to get into a routine and then started to enjoy it.I also have to say that when I lost my weight the way I did (healthy) people all around me were inspired and did the same themselves.It is great to like yourself for who you are and it does not sound like your husband supports you which is to bad because is that not they are there for...A friend can be just as good to help deal with things and talk to .So I have blabbed on and on now but I do hope this can help you too.

I was skinny my whole life, then I quit playing soccer, started in college and got a job as an IT engineer. now i'm fat. and I get no girls.<br />
<br />
Back in the day, I imagine something like this would bother me, but what's funny is it doesn't matter to me anymore. you don't have to be perfect. just be yourself.

Hello. I just have some suggestions you can try!<br />
---Try substituting Quinoa (tastes like rice but its WAY healthier) rather then eating pasta and white rice. (it helps keep you full for longer)<br />
----Eat Wheat Germ (its a type of grain) and it is VERY good for helping you feel and stay full for a long time. Plus has lots of vitamins.<br />
---Drink plenty of water. Stay hydrated!! NO SUGARY DRINKS!!! Also, try to limit coffee to about 2 cups. Caffeine messes with the hormones and makes some people overweight.<br />
--- Drink green tea (no sugar) The green tea NOT sold at regular stores. Get MATCHA green tea from tea stores like Teavana or other store. It helps clear skin, anti aging, helps speed up metabolism, etc. (try googling benefits of green tea)<br />
---- Workout a few times a week, or when you can. If you cant workout, just do something around the house like clean, mop, organize, walk up and down stairs 10 times. <br />
---- Avoid too much sugar, salt, white foods like rice pasta white bread, pop.<br />

Looking to lose weight with all natural product. I suggest you try simply magic. It will help you lose weight and maintain it. It helps decrease your appetite and craving and give you energy to boost weight loss. It’s a great product, I have been on it for a while now, and it is working. It’s an all natural product. I can send you free sample to try. Check out my website for more information at or send me a message for free samples

At Age: 66-70 like you put in on your profile, I think look isn't the main thing that keeps couples together.Plus you said you are still attractrive and happy with the way you're, why are you bothered? It's more important to be physically and mentally healthy.<br />
<br />
PS: I have never heard my parents, who are about the same age as you and your husband, commented or crticized each other on the look at all. <br />
<br />
Your husband is mean.

I'm just wondering why you don't leave his ***.

Sorry to hear about your husband's lack of perspective. There are health considerations involved, to some extent, but all in all, 20# isn't enough to lose sleep or stress over (both of which are far worse for your health than carrying a few extra pounds). I hope your husband can learn to appreciate you as you are, because the feel of a woman with a few extra pounds can actually be quite pleasant! As can the response of a woman who is properly appreciated!<br />
<br />
But you say you want to lose it for you, so I'll give you a few tips that will get you there without much effort.<br />
<br />
1) Cut out the sugar. I don't mean go Adkins or to get crazy like that, but cut way back on sugar, even fruits. Check out Jorge Cruise's book "The Belly Fat Cure", which you can get for about $12 at CostCo or It's a super simple way of "counting" sugar and carbs without really doing much counting. The recipes are great and don't leave you feeling deprived at all. I swear. <br />
<br />
2) Cut out the stress and get proper rest. Stress and not getting enough sleep are both related to weight gain and other health issues. There was a big study that came out recently that showed HUGE benefits from engaging in a program of meditation, which will help with the sleep and stress and many other things as well. How hard is that to do, to meditate? It's fun! This alone could get you to your goal.<br />
<br />
3) Don't lose 20#. Lose 10#. A great many health benefits will accrue from losing just 10#. Your clothes will fit better, you'll get compliments, you'll sleep better, and have more energy. 10# is much easier to get to than 20#, and you'll feel a sense of accomplishment and motivation. Lose 1# and you're already 10% of the way to your goal. After you lose 10#, you can decide if you want to lose 10# more, and if you do, again, losing 10# is easier than 20!<br />
<br />
4) Drink plenty of water. Not diet soda, and especially not sugar soda or even fruit juice, unless you want to put a lemon slice in your water. Drink carbonated water if you think that makes it taste better, or get a good water filter. You'll learn to enjoy the taste of good water. Staying properly hydrated will give you more energy, which will cause you to move more, and will reduce your hunger. Whenever you are hungry, drink some water. Don't do it "instead" of eating, but just do it. Then if you eat, you eat, but chances are you will feel less hungry and eat less.<br />
<br />
5) Find and use smaller plates. So much of our eating is psychological. Using a slightly smaller plate can make portion control easy and automatic.

Well said =))))))

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How are you doing Cheleanne?

I can't believe how quick my stomach is shrinking. This program is great for teaching you the essentials for training and includes how my body works under exercise and when dieting and has shown me where I have been going wrong for years. I would recommend this program to anyone who wants to lose weight that's tried and failed in the past but wants to commit now and lose their body fat.<br />
<br />
You can take a look here:<br />
<br />

Here is something I read today, this guy used a product for 1 year to loose weight, you can check it out<br />
<br />

you know what?<br />
You have an "overstuffed" husband<br />
Until you get THAT weight and attitude under control, no matter how much you lose, YOU will never be satisfied or contented.<br />
Try to take care of the recesses of your inner strugglings and what is REALLY making you desire for a change in your weight ... Once you do that, you may find you dont want to lose anything other than the "h" weight <br />
<br />
:) Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

hey m so glad your doing it for U<br />
m not an expert on shedding pounds although<br />
i started drinking green tea for fun (i dont like coffee)<br />
and managed to loose a lot in a short while<br />
<br /><br />
<br />
hope this helps<br />
gud luck

You know what, I have no opinion, one way or the other about your losing weight or not. If that is something you are wanting to do, by all means, you go girl! I pray that you succeed and feel happy with yourself, whatever you look like! <br />
<br />
I have been there and even though he says he doesn't feel the same as when he said the things he has, I still live with that bs and slowly but surely I have been ignoring (trying to ignore everything that screams inside of me that he is lying) everything because it feels better to believe what I am being told now.<br />
<br />
It is crazy but I don't necessarily believe his is lying but the horrible things that have been spoken still eat at me and I can not help that. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? I hope he can believe that too! I am not even sure he loves me and feel he hates me and stays with me to keep hurting me.....which is crazy, I know. Why wouldn't he want to be with someone he is totally in love with? <br />
<br />
Anyways, I pray God's will for you and He strengthens you in whatever happens to you. You CAN do all things!!!!!! Best of luck and blessing! <br />
<br />
P.S. Have you seen Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married?" Awesome movie!!! Has a story which touches my heart because it hits so close to home. If you get a chance, watch it and let me know what you to you later....:-)

Then it sounds like you are moving in a positive direction Cheleanne. You will know when things are right for you to make your move. I wish you only the best. It will still be difficult when the time comes but make efforts now to make it as "easy" as possible for you, when that time does come.<br />
<br />
You say you hate walking. Have you tried walking with someone? Don't make it so much about "walking" but make it about an opportunity to "socialize" with some one else. Preferably some one who needs you to help them get motivated just as much as you need them. That way, everyone wins. Have you looked into "support groups" here on the internet? There has to be something. If there is a "will", there will be a way. Congratulations for continuing to look into "more ways" for your weight loss situation. Keep looking Cheleanne. Eventually you will find something that will just "click" for you.<br />
<br />
I won't give up on you. Just promise me you won't give up on yourself. This is YOUR time.

Yes, I agree - I know I have to be on my own again. I know he is not the right man for me and I am waiting for the right time to make that happen. I know from my other posts that it seems like I am procrastinating, but I assure you I am not. With things the way they are now, it is not viable to just leave and move with my girls. So, once things are done and in place, it will be much easier for me. <br />
<br />
I am looking into more ways to lose weight - I am not a walker. I really dislike walking because I find it boring. But I do have some equipment that I could use - once the basement is cleared a bit more. There are some real positive changes happening in my life, I am really making these changes on my own.... so, don't give up on me! :-)

You're right Cheleanne, I haven't read your other posts. I believe your daughter would benefit from "not" being exposed the tension that exists in your marriage. Happy alone or miserable with him? That really is your choice. Your husband obviously is not helping to create a healthy enviroment for you to lose your weight. He needs to be your number # 1 champion. I played that role and it still took my wife 10 years! You may be ready to take charge of your situation but I honestly believe "his" negativity will hold you back. My wife was in your shoes and felt that she didn't deserve to lose it. Now she knows better. I'm suspecting Sweetie that even if you lost all the weight "you" wanted to lose, you would still not be happy with him. Please correct me if I am wrong. He will will only drag you down further and leave you when it is convenient for him. Start preparing yourself now for the change you need to make. Read books to help build your confidence. If you can, seek out a Psychologist. Find a "group" you can talk to. You need to know that you are not alone in this matter. You need to cut yourself free of this earth bound bolder and fly amoung the clouds where you belong. You are not the first to be in this predicament and you surely will not be the last. <br />
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the Life you have imagined". H.D. Thoreau

Thanks for the commen/. You said 'It's hard for me to believe that your husband can say those things and still be loving and caring to you outside of your weight issue.' You have obviously not read many of my other posts. That statement is so not true of my husband. He is not a loving and caring husband. More of a dictator who is a narcasist. Why did I agree to marry him? We had a daughter together - and I think we both felt obligated to marry for her sake. I know - wrong reasons.<br />
<br />
My weight is possibly a health issue - I have noticed things (like stairs) becoming a bit harder for me to accomplish - but for the most part, I feel fairly healthy. I do know I need to lose weight but I think you may have hit the nail on the head when you say, 'Maybe "You" are sabotaging your own efforts by thinking you do not deserve to lose weight and be happy. ' I have often wondered that myself....

Name calling to that extent is uncalled for. It solves nothing although he probably feels that that's what you "need". A number of things come to mind. We do need to respect that we are all "animals" and subject to the laws of "attraction". Back in the 70's when I hit puberty, I was immediately attracted to curvey women. This was back in the day when "skinny" ruled. I always felt that women should be "soft", NOT boney or full of muscles. Now with that said, some how, in 2010, curvey got redefined as "fat" or "overweight". If your husband is physically attracted to thin women and as he said, you were the heaviest girl he ever dated, why did he marry you? Really. Sounds like a stupid question but I really would like to know. Is he a "hard body"? Does he have weight to lose? Is it at all possible for him to become part of your solution? Or does he want you to go in the basement and treadmill your butt off and come up when your thin? Becoming part of the solution will bring you closer as a couple.<br />
<br />
Has your weight become a "health" issue? If so, you need to make this a priority in your life. Every one wants to lose some weight and get in better shape. But few of us are truly compelled to do so. This website will not help you with that. There is plenty of information out there whether it's in the form of books or websites or groups like Weight Watchers. Seek advice from your Doctor. Seek advice from a Therapist. Maybe "You" are sabotaging your own efforts by thinking you do not deserve to lose weight and be happy. There is no "secret" diet or method. You just need to educate yourself (making it a priority in your life), and simply find what works best for you. You might have to try 10 different things. You might have to try more. But eventually, you WILL find what works for you<br />
<br />
It's hard for me to believe that your husband can say those things and still be loving and caring to you outside of your weight issue. Obviously, there are other factors involved in your marriage. SERIOUS issues.<br />
<br />
Please don't get me wrong. It was a long hard struggle for us concerning her weight issues. We are still in Therapy and she is dealing with all her childhood issues of sexual abuse that have become part of my reality now. Our marriage did suffer as a result of her letting her health go. My interpretation was that she just didn't care about herself and didn't care about me and didn't care about our marriage. So yes, after 10 years of this, a lot of scar tissue had built up. Through all those hard years, I still loved my wife and tried a 1,000 different things to help. But she did not want to help herself. If I was attracted to obese women, I would have dated them and I would have eventually married one. But "that" wasn't my personal preference. I always dated curvey women and I married a curvey woman. Fortunately for her, I like a little jiggle in her jello! <br />
<br />
Since I do most of the cooking, I am learning about healthy foods that actually contribute to weight loss. Stop saying the word "diet" and start using words like "healthy choices". We got a personal trainer and she made us up our own exercise routines. My wife goes to areobics 2-3 times a week and comes to the gym with me another 2 times a week. Although she has a long way to go, it is her effort that inspires me. We, unfortunately, had to get to a point that was dangerously close to separation before things started to change. For us, it wasn't just a weight issue. There were a lot of psychological issues going on that we are only now understanding. Weight loss alone will not make you a confident woman. Lots of "skinny downers" out there. You need to believe in yourself FIRST, then the weight will come off. You have every right to be happy at whatever weight you are. Other people do NOT make feel inferior, You and You alone, allow them to.

I commend you!! You didn't call your wife names, or tell her you were not attracted to her because of her weight! I hope your wife knows how lucky she is for that. My husband has called me a fat lazy cow, and told me he was not attracted to me because of my weight. <br />
<br />
I have tried to lose weight - and have not succeeded and I don't know if honestly the comments he has made in the past has blocked something in me that I need for weight loss to be successful. I didn't have a great upbringing and was called names as a child. So if it's a related block, I'm not sure.<br />
<br />
Anyway, thank-you for the comment - I do keep trying and maybe one day, I will succeed. As long as I don't give up - like your wife - I will be able to shed the pounds that threaten my health as well. I cannot tell you how much I admire you for sticking it out with your wife and supporting her!

Although I am "not" speaking for your husband, I do wish to share my situation with you. As a loving husband of 15 years, my wife put on over those years 56 pounds to her very short fr<x>ame. Her BMI was in the "morbidly obese" catagory. Her Asthma was uncontrollable and her energy level was almost nonexistant. After years of quietly asking her to take charge of her health with no results, our realtionship sank to its lowest possible depth. Obviously she felt terrible about her situation and it affected our marriage. I was fearful that I would bury her prematurely like my brother had buried his wife just one year ago due to weight related problems. We fianlly ended up in marriage counselling last fall and she is finally making changes to claim her health and life back. The last 10 years has taken a terrible toll on our relationship and she now wishes I had spoken more forcefully to her when she only had 20 pounds to lose instead of almost 60. <br />
We continue to go to counselling and I am learning everything I can so I can prepare healthier meals for us. Maybe your husband should try becoming part of the solution

Thank-you Lonely... I understand what you mean..

Hi,<br />
<br />
I think ur hubby loves u a lot thats y he is insisting u to lose weight which is for the betterment of u only. u should not take ur hubby's comment in other sense. See, in this way, he is providing u the required motivation to lose weight. If u still think, he does not love u and thinks abt u as inferior, talk with him straight. this should help.<br />
<br />
Cheers!! and best of luck!!

Thank-you WG... will give this a look and try to keep you posted! Every one you have to check it out type it into your main bar at the top make sure it is empty first tho you are all going to love penny too i have tryed every think but this really does work hope you all get to the size and weight you only dream of i am nearly their now i have gone from 16 stone to 12 and a half in 7 month because of this i cant wait till my wedding next year now good luck all im on a mission to help as many people like me i can please please dont give up and start to get down that will only make things worse trust me i did but now im feeling so much beeter and can even wear a dress ans skirt wo hoo