Unknowling Married Someone With A Drug Addiction

I met someone 3 years ago and after 4 months of intense dating decided to get married.  I had 3 kids and he had one that lives with his mother on the east coast.  To make a long miserable story short, I found out last year that he has a drug addiction and after confronting him about it, he went to rehab and was doing fine until last week when he relapsed.

I am tired of this.  Although he is a great step dad (who feels he is more and probably deserves the acknowledgement) who is active in my kids lives, the bouts of relapses are so hurtful and hard to get over that I am seriously considering leaving him when my oldest finishes her senior year this May.

On the one hand, I don't want to move away from the area we currently live in because my kids like their schools and have adjusted well.  But on the other hand, I feel like I need a change and that if I stay here, he will continue to try to keep us together.  All in all, I've lost the love I felt for him due to his addiction which he did not tell me about until after 2 years of marriage and I am and remain very angry at him for this.  I want to keep my family together because my children's biological father is not involved in their lives beyond child support and pictures I give him.  My husband's love for my kids and kids in general was the main reason I tried to work things out after the revelation of his addiction 11/05.  Now, I'm just over it and really feel I need to move on for my sanity.

Thank you for reading this experience and I hope someone else can know they are not alone.

citygurlindc citygurlindc
36-40, F
4 Responses Jan 4, 2007

Drug addicts have no business around children (of any age). If he loves them, if he loves you, he should put you first. Anybody can do anything that they actually WANT to do. Every woman deserves more than empty promises.

I was married to an addict for 10 years. He was the love of my life and he was killed in an auto accident. We were together till death did us part but it was hard. He would get clean, relapse, get clean, relapse and it was like a rollercoaster ride. I was so relieved when he died. I still miss him but I miss the ideal of the person he could have been. Not who he was, at least not all of the time.

Find Al-Anon! It'll help you, whether you decide to leave your addict or not. <br />
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I would also read anything by Melody Beattie. She helped me get my act together when I needed to.

You are NOT alone. Been there, done that! The " break away " is hard, but he'll continue to break promises of " no more addiction " until he LOOSES all he holds dear. Unfortunately, that usually means the family.