Had The D-talk With Wife, She Is In DenialSo I had a talk in bed last night with my wife, and told her I am not happy in our marriage and that I want to separate and divorce. She just can't believe that I don't love her. She can't believe that I never really loved her the way a person should love another person that you are living your life with. Facts are, I never have. I don't or never did have a passion like I should have for her on many different levels. Do I love her as a person? Absolutely! Does it hurt me to see her hurt? Of course it does! Do I think this is some kind of game or that it's going to be a party now that I want to be separate? Hell, no. I heard her cry a couple of times, and she didn't sleep all night. I slept just fine. I was very, very tired, but this is what I really want to do. She is not going to make it easy on me though.
She is stuck on thinking she doesn't want a divorce. She is convinced that somewhere in there I do love her. I can tell you I don't, and I have been depressed and empty inside for most of our 20 years. Not even in the beginning did I have a passion for her like I have felt for others in the beginning of those relationships. I won't go in to why I settled in this post, and I know I made a big mistake all those years ago, but I have already worked through the guilt and regret over the past 2 1/2 years and no longer feel those things. Still it is hard to see someone hurt, but I am going to have to stand my ground no matter how gut-wrenching it is. I can't go on living in a marriage just so she doesn't suffer, even though it pains me to see her hurt. I told her this morning, "You should not be thinking in your head that this is going to work out. You are setting yourself up for a let down." I am hoping this is just natural denial. I know the anger will come at some point, but I told her, "No matter what, I don't want to see you living on the street. I want you to have a comfortable home, and I want to be a partner with you in raising our youngest (girl almost 13), and getting our daughters through college. We will be partners forever in the health and welfare of our kids and grandkids."
I am just dreading the point where she hits the anger stage. Does anyone have any advice for me in how to help her through this denial stage gently, and how to cope with the emotional tugs on me, without regressing back into the relationship out of pitty and guilt? I'll take any good advice anyone has. Check my other posts regarding divorce and my situation before giving me advice if you could (there should only be a couple stories), but if you don't have the time, that's fine. I appreciate any feedback. Thank you in advance.
justbeit 46-50, M 4 Responses 1 Oct 8, 2010