I Need To Grow Up

Ive been smoking cannabis everyday for the past 6 years. I cant sleep without it and i cant eat without it, I dont remember a day when i have been sober, besides when i have a job. My goal is to get money, one way or another i do, and then with that money no matter how long it takes i will go score. Its controlling my life, ive been expelled for smoking marijuana on school grounds, arrested twice for possession, and been fired because i was too stoned to even go to work. being 20 years old i know now i need to grow up and stop this addiction before it literally kills me, because i feel as if i am completely dependent on the drug and this depresses me. I am very unmotovated and i want to do something with my life but I've become to lazy to do anything about it, and i know im stronger than the drug itself. I am starting University in July, so i want to quit before then. THE MAIN BUT is im worried i might seriously go insane. I know marijuana is not physically addictive and ive had friends say that 'its just the tabacoo you mix it with that your physically addicted to' which i agree with. but i feel i am addicted on a pscycological level. My mother has a problem with alchohol and always has, my little brother has been diagnosed with bi polar, and anger management issues and mum and little sister has depression. I feel like marijuana is the only keeping me okay. a fear of mine is  i will turn out like the rest of them if i stop using, and this scares the **** of me. Someone help, im completely stuck.
lexidysfunctional lexidysfunctional
2 Responses May 7, 2012

man life truly sucks, i got kicked out of school my family hates and only friend i have are 2 pot heads that i cant even trust thank u im on my 3 day of being clean and i feel like **** havent really eaten anything, i play cod all day and all that does is get me mad which in then makes me wanna smoke

I feel you on so many levels..