We All Have Stories, Here Is Mine.

I live in sunny California with my parents and brother. I loved my childhood but as soon as I hit teen years my parents let me do whatever I wanted. I did't abuse this privilege in a horrible way but I feel guilty. I tried so many things, acting, modeling, art, dance and stuck to none of them even though I love them all so much! They spent so much money on my "careers". I have been spineless for so long and wish my folks made me do things with more power and strength and courage. I am mad at them then mad at myself.

New topic- my brother Sean. Growing up we were so close, then we fought like cats then we came close again but now he is 17 and I am 19. He is a militaristic, racists (but not to someone face) kind of guy. I love him so much but I feel dumbed down and weak when were around each other. He is the one with power over my mom, dad, and pretty much everyone. He is funny and kind but has that cruel streak that I don't want to be around.

Since my folks never really made me do things on my own I am worried about what they might finally do and how I am going to take care of myself. The thing is they encourage helping me then they laugh about why can't you get a job even though I look. I think part of me is not on board with the idea. WIth the way they raised me and the ideas my mom put in my head I am finding it hard to let those thoughts go and move on with myself.

Thank you for letting me rant. These thoughts have been spinning in my head all year and no matter how much Eckart Tolle I read, I still was in a whirlwind of unwanted thought.
erincarmean erincarmean
Aug 13, 2010