Growing Up!

There comes a time in your life where you start to reevaluate your entire existence. You live each day going through the motion of a daily routine until one day you wake up and see things differently. I always strive to be a good person. One who's kind to people, loving and caring and who will try and be the best possible version of myself. I'm not sure why I have this overwhelming desire to be caring and honest. It's probably a combination of my mums influence, a good upbringing and my past experiences of being bullied. Whatever the reason behind it, I have always struggled to put myself first. Just because I consider myself to be genuinely kind, this doesn't mean that I don't have sides to me that other people may struggle with. I find it really difficult to keep my opinions to myself. I wouldn't call myself an arrogant person but If I have an opinion I like to voice it. I'm a straightforward person and I generally avoid lying in anyway possible. Although the people who love me seem to appreciate this quality of mine, it can get me into trouble. I seem to unintentionally provoke arguments and annoy a lot of people with my bluntness. I also suffer with anxiety which has a big impact on the way that I am.

I'm reaching a stage in my life where I'm changing as a person. I guess you could call it 'growing up'. although for my age I still see myself as quite immature. These past few months I have been going through a healing process. I've just come out of a really emotionally scaring year in my life. When I think back to how I got here I think I've been progressing as a person for the past 3 years. In 2010 I was addicted to the online role play game 'Second Life'. I was working as an apprentice full time at a nursery for £300 a month and my social life was pretty low key. I had a selected few close friends and family but aside from them I never really made much of an effort to meet new people. I spent 6 months of my life devoted to Second life, apart from work it became my routine. I never imagined that I would have let myself get into that situation but it happened. At the time I was perfectly happy with my life. I will even go as far as to say that I enjoyed creating a pixel version of myself and meeting people from all over the world. Soon after joining I met an avatar from Malta in a Harry Potter role play and started to get attached to him. I found myself developing feelings for him and fantasized about meeting up in real life and falling in love. Many a night I sat crying because he would give me mixed signals and at times ignore me. This was an on going cycle for months and I didn't see a problem with it.

Then one day, as if I had just woken up from a dream, I realised how bad my life had got. I had used Second life to distract myself from facing the reality of my situation. I was a 21 year old apprentice that had hardly any money, limited friends and a rubbish social life. I hated everything that I had become. I had gone from being a vibrant, happy go lucky girl to a bloody pixel! I can't really explain what happened. I think I may have been going through a mild breakdown or had some form of depression? It took wasting half a year of my life obsessing over people that I hadn't even met to realise that I had to change. I knew I had to push past the anxiety that crept up on me on a daily basis and do something big. I had always imagined what it would be like to go to university but felt that I was to old and past the age to attend. I was comforted by two special people that I met on SL and they encouraged me to apply and take the first step of my new life.

That same day I applied for a foundation course at Newport university which has lead me to the present. Today I found out that I have passed my retrievals from my first year on my English and Creative writing degree , the course that I went onto doing after getting accepted into my foundation year and successfully completing it. I've come a long way since that day, achieved so many things, been though so much and met such unique and wonderful friends. But more importantly I've grown into a person that I'm proud of. Somebody that faces new challenges everyday and defends what she believes in with passion and loyalty. I'm not afraid to speak my mind anymore or confront people that cause me negativity. It's with a fierce passion that I have made a promise to myself to never stop being who I am for the sake of others. I will always have opinions and views that I will express because in this mind of mine, I have a lot that needs to be said.
wamy88 wamy88
22-25, F
Jan 19, 2013