Then there's Friend #2, whom I've only known a short while (almost 5 months), but we became fast friends and lovers also. He's amazing to say the least and I dont say that because I've slept with him- he's got a good heart, loves and actually wants to raise his son- if not for his immature, jealous and unintelligent Ex, hard working and dedicated to whatever job it is, pretty funny, and we have a similar temperament and taste in most things, especially music. Not sure when was the last time I clicked with someone on an emotional, cultural and intelligence level and it felt "real". Last time I did was the indisputable "love of my life" that I've known for almost a decade. Anyway, it's also been emotionally rocky and rife with disagreements: One of which him returning to his Ex. Now, they have zero in common outside the bedroom- they have/had more disagreements than we do and over petty stuff. She's emasculated, underminded him, emotionally abused and physically provoked him that which led to him lashing out and then sitting in jail for a week and almost causing him to lose his nursing license. "But she's the mother of my son, I still love her". Still. So I reasoned until I turned blue in the face that she was no good. I was there for him in his spells of depression and then some. I was the only kind soul where his folks, friends and Ex told him he wasn't $hit or took him for granted. Guess who he loves and respects more? He's aware of how good and supportive I've been to him but my positivity and positive platitudes have been met with nothing but "Meh" or "Eh" in response. When I request his company, he's too afraid to come by and he just moved back into town...when he didn't live in town he still took the time to come by and stay for a few days with me. Now, hardly, even when he is in the area borrowing his brother's car. I mean he was in the area and took me to buy groceries but he wasn't his usual chivalrous self and so I had to lug my own crap upstairs. Anyway, he says its because what we have is "weird" / "complicated". Not to say I wouldn't want to be his girl but he's too messy and so is his life. I mean, I could hang tough but only if he decided to actually get his **** together. Yet I doubt that he would pick me if he did since he's attracted to tragic and emotionally messy women, i.e his EX and I got problems but I can sort mines out. He's insecure and it makes him feel good to white knight basically. I'm still his friend because I told him that despite how things are, I feel a connection and I know he does too, he even said so. Been more than once he's told me that I knew him too well. When things are good, the chemistry sparks and we have this great back and forth. My fault is I am loyal- people have told me, even he has told me that I need to back away but again, loyalty. In the meantime, I'm just going to back away, clear my head from both friends. I need my space.
Lov3intheasylum Lov3intheasylum
36-40, F
Aug 23, 2014