Hardened Heart

I've been away from God for a few years now. After my divorce I blamed God for everything that went wrong. Recently, about three months ago, I came back to God. I read through the Gospels and was so excited, it was like reading them for the first time. I had so much hope and joy. But my mind began getting plagued with blasphemies and doubts. It's like a wall has been built that's keeping me from experiencing His love and truth. I try my hardest to fight, but it's a constant daily battle, and becomes exhausting. I told God that I'm not going to give up this time, and that I'm not going to walk away from Him like I did in the past.

I feel like this may be a way of testing where my heart really is. What I need to really assess in my life. So far I've realized that pride is a very big issue with me. I find myself wanting answers and explanations instead of just trusting in Him. I've also hardened my heart. Going through a divorce left me not willing to love anyone or let any one love me. Not that divorce is an excuse for my rebellion, it was me that drove her away. I don't blame her for leaving.

So I'm left staring at this blockade. This wall that has PRIDE, ARROGANCE, SLANDER, ANGER, and DOUBT all written in graffiti is in front of me. I need to pick up the hammer and chisel and get to work. Tear down this wall that is separating me from Him, and Him from me.

John 6:68-69
Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God."
PreZombie PreZombie
26-30, M
2 Responses Sep 5, 2012

mmutsakama@gmail.com

Sorry to hear this, but God can fix everything that you ar going through,at this time. Just pray about it and you will feel alot better...Don't let the devil seperate you from our father which are in heaven! God Bless.

Thank you, I pray that God will help me overcome my own heart. The devil is upset that I've switched sides and sinking his claws into whatever he can grab. But I must focus on God, and trust what Jesus has done for me on the cross. It's a relationship that God desires, one where we give Him all of us.